It took all of Natasha’s willpower to face Clint when he walked into the room. It would have been easier to shut the curtain or put her back to him, but if they were going to be honest and they were going to get through this then she had to let him see her, completely and uninhibited.
She tried to work the shampoo in her hair but even holding her arms up felt too tiring, and her hair was far too tangled; it was going to take lots of conditioner to get it manageable again. Hugging her legs again instead, she just watched Clint as he settled in front of her, though not before taking a moment to adjust the water to a more reasonable temperature. It was the little things like that that made her willing to do whatever it took to make this relationship work.
He started speaking, and while she wanted to interrupt when he admitted to wanting to take it all back, she stayed silent. He had the floor, it was his turn to talk, and she would wait until he was finished to have her turn. It was how it worked, it was how they made it through things, though she couldn’t remember a time when it was this bad, at least not between them. Usually it was other people or other things that hurt them, not each other.
The story caught her by surprise; how had she not known? She had been away on a mission without him, and when she had returned he had been mostly healed up. She had teased him about getting beaten up by some new recruits in a training session and he hadn’t corrected her.
She felt her stomach twist again.
For a long moment after he had finished she stayed silent. These were people they knew, people they worked with, people they trusted to have their backs. This wasn’t the same as her situation at all. “It’s easy to be strong when you’re not faced with the reminders every day,” she offered, her voice barely a whisper. Her throat felt raw and her head ached from the crying and the vomiting, but it was her turn, so she had to say something. “I can still see their faces, the ones I killed, but I didn’t know them and I’ll never see them again. I even put an ocean between me and where it happened.”
She hugged her knees tighter.
“I didn’t know. There’s a lot I understand about what you’re going through, but there’s more I never could.” It pained her to admit it, that maybe she couldn’t help him as much as she thought she could. “I keep saying that I know how hard it is for you to be there with all those people, and that they don’t blame you because it wasn’t you, but I... I didn’t know.”
no subject
She tried to work the shampoo in her hair but even holding her arms up felt too tiring, and her hair was far too tangled; it was going to take lots of conditioner to get it manageable again. Hugging her legs again instead, she just watched Clint as he settled in front of her, though not before taking a moment to adjust the water to a more reasonable temperature. It was the little things like that that made her willing to do whatever it took to make this relationship work.
He started speaking, and while she wanted to interrupt when he admitted to wanting to take it all back, she stayed silent. He had the floor, it was his turn to talk, and she would wait until he was finished to have her turn. It was how it worked, it was how they made it through things, though she couldn’t remember a time when it was this bad, at least not between them. Usually it was other people or other things that hurt them, not each other.
The story caught her by surprise; how had she not known? She had been away on a mission without him, and when she had returned he had been mostly healed up. She had teased him about getting beaten up by some new recruits in a training session and he hadn’t corrected her.
She felt her stomach twist again.
For a long moment after he had finished she stayed silent. These were people they knew, people they worked with, people they trusted to have their backs. This wasn’t the same as her situation at all. “It’s easy to be strong when you’re not faced with the reminders every day,” she offered, her voice barely a whisper. Her throat felt raw and her head ached from the crying and the vomiting, but it was her turn, so she had to say something. “I can still see their faces, the ones I killed, but I didn’t know them and I’ll never see them again. I even put an ocean between me and where it happened.”
She hugged her knees tighter.
“I didn’t know. There’s a lot I understand about what you’re going through, but there’s more I never could.” It pained her to admit it, that maybe she couldn’t help him as much as she thought she could. “I keep saying that I know how hard it is for you to be there with all those people, and that they don’t blame you because it wasn’t you, but I... I didn’t know.”