And there it was, the question he had run from all day. It was a little less horrible than he had expected, now that he had already shown Natasha how bad he really felt. But he still couldn't put it in words, why.
He took that silly cap carefully off her, to feel her closer, at least try get some of the usual tenderness and carefulness between them back, after they had worked each other up so much unwillingly during the day. He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes to allow himself really ponder about this one question for the first time.
Immediately that tightness in his throat, the pain in his stomach returned, but this time he fought it back and rather concentrated on telling Natasha what she needed to hear. If they wanted to do this together, they had to be on the same side, equally sure about how to handle this. Or it would come between them eventually, and he was not gonna let that happen.
"I can just tell you what I don't want. I don't want this blood on my hands, but as far as we know, this will happen either way, so I guess it's best to cut this whole thing short. It's easier for both of us. Easier for you, I hope. Because I don't want you to get destroyed by this, Nat. That's what most important to me. That you're safe and happy."
He faltered then, because that wasn't all and she would see now that they were so close. See that restlessness in his eyes, the unwillingness to make this decision just yet. He had no problem let her make it, but that was not what she asked of him.
"Dunno, maybe I'll feel better after that checkup tomorrow, when we speak to that doctor. I just want to know how high the risk really is. If we take it then or not... That's up to you, Nat. I've told you, I'm with you, whatever you do."
no subject
And there it was, the question he had run from all day. It was a little less horrible than he had expected, now that he had already shown Natasha how bad he really felt. But he still couldn't put it in words, why.
He took that silly cap carefully off her, to feel her closer, at least try get some of the usual tenderness and carefulness between them back, after they had worked each other up so much unwillingly during the day. He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes to allow himself really ponder about this one question for the first time.
Immediately that tightness in his throat, the pain in his stomach returned, but this time he fought it back and rather concentrated on telling Natasha what she needed to hear. If they wanted to do this together, they had to be on the same side, equally sure about how to handle this. Or it would come between them eventually, and he was not gonna let that happen.
"I can just tell you what I don't want. I don't want this blood on my hands, but as far as we know, this will happen either way, so I guess it's best to cut this whole thing short. It's easier for both of us. Easier for you, I hope. Because I don't want you to get destroyed by this, Nat. That's what most important to me. That you're safe and happy."
He faltered then, because that wasn't all and she would see now that they were so close. See that restlessness in his eyes, the unwillingness to make this decision just yet. He had no problem let her make it, but that was not what she asked of him.
"Dunno, maybe I'll feel better after that checkup tomorrow, when we speak to that doctor. I just want to know how high the risk really is. If we take it then or not... That's up to you, Nat. I've told you, I'm with you, whatever you do."