Clint knew that tone in Natasha's voice, knew when it was pointless to argue indeed, so he obeyed reluctantly, sitting up and turning his back to her. He didn't like being a burden for her when she was already feeling sick, but she wouldn't let him out of this either way. And well, he probably still deserved it for being plain stupid yesterday.
Her question though, that was a whole different story that he still wasn't sure he wanted to remember or share. That alone was unusual, because Natasha pretty much knew about all his missions, at least vaguely. But this one had seldom come up, and not only because she had been off on her own duty at that time. He had told her just a few days ago how much he had missed her in these months here, and that was true, but why...
"Hill didn't want you to come with me."
He frowned a little when the words came out of his mouth before he had even thought about it much. If he thought about it, it would only slip away again, that slimy deep black, sharp teethed eel slipping from his conscious mind like it had happened for years now. But if he just tried to piece together a few fragments of his dream... That could work indeed. Even if he didn't want to.
Running from his past was a bad habit he'd indulged in long enough. With the new, their biggest challenge that Natasha and him were facing, he couldn't do that anymore. He needed his body, his brains and his soul intact for this, instead of running around like a zombie every few days because he just couldn't fucking sleep right.
"Right... That was one of our first encounters back then. Fury had just made her God, and if she said something, even Coulson had to shut up. I asked her to send you along with me, because it sounded just so stupid, so dull. You know, spending months on a boat and waiting for some mafia guy to maybe meet with an old HYDRA cell for weapons. First I thought, they still wanted to fuck with me, for bringing you in and all, even years after. But..."
He shrugged a little and hissed with another grimace. Bad idea.
"It wasn't about that guy I think. Maria knew me pretty well at that point already. She knew, I had that talent to fall into trouble that wasn't even my mission. And I just had to go ashore a few times, to not go completely nuts out there in the water. Maria didn't like it of course. But this city here, this area always was pretty safe. The main trouble happens in Catania. Guess they thought, they'd be on the safe side if they let me catch my breath from time to time here... Still Maria wouldn't send you with me, though even Coulson thought it was better."
Again Coulson, and actually that was another painful subject he didn't want to bring up at ass o'clock in the morning. Hell, he hadn't even come to talk about what this thing was his superiors had tried to keep him from. Or why the hell he couldn't remember it. And still he was already feeling like shit.
Without surprise he saw that he had started scratching these small little cuts from his own fingernails and Liho's claws all over his arms without even realizing. So many long months, and sometimes it still stabbed him ice cold from behind. More than ever he wished, Coulson would have still been available to call in such moments. He wouldn't have hesitated to help him remember without judging him.
"Guess they knew I would only get you in trouble even back then or something."
no subject
Her question though, that was a whole different story that he still wasn't sure he wanted to remember or share. That alone was unusual, because Natasha pretty much knew about all his missions, at least vaguely. But this one had seldom come up, and not only because she had been off on her own duty at that time. He had told her just a few days ago how much he had missed her in these months here, and that was true, but why...
"Hill didn't want you to come with me."
He frowned a little when the words came out of his mouth before he had even thought about it much. If he thought about it, it would only slip away again, that slimy deep black, sharp teethed eel slipping from his conscious mind like it had happened for years now. But if he just tried to piece together a few fragments of his dream... That could work indeed. Even if he didn't want to.
Running from his past was a bad habit he'd indulged in long enough. With the new, their biggest challenge that Natasha and him were facing, he couldn't do that anymore. He needed his body, his brains and his soul intact for this, instead of running around like a zombie every few days because he just couldn't fucking sleep right.
"Right... That was one of our first encounters back then. Fury had just made her God, and if she said something, even Coulson had to shut up. I asked her to send you along with me, because it sounded just so stupid, so dull. You know, spending months on a boat and waiting for some mafia guy to maybe meet with an old HYDRA cell for weapons. First I thought, they still wanted to fuck with me, for bringing you in and all, even years after. But..."
He shrugged a little and hissed with another grimace. Bad idea.
"It wasn't about that guy I think. Maria knew me pretty well at that point already. She knew, I had that talent to fall into trouble that wasn't even my mission. And I just had to go ashore a few times, to not go completely nuts out there in the water. Maria didn't like it of course. But this city here, this area always was pretty safe. The main trouble happens in Catania. Guess they thought, they'd be on the safe side if they let me catch my breath from time to time here... Still Maria wouldn't send you with me, though even Coulson thought it was better."
Again Coulson, and actually that was another painful subject he didn't want to bring up at ass o'clock in the morning. Hell, he hadn't even come to talk about what this thing was his superiors had tried to keep him from. Or why the hell he couldn't remember it. And still he was already feeling like shit.
Without surprise he saw that he had started scratching these small little cuts from his own fingernails and Liho's claws all over his arms without even realizing. So many long months, and sometimes it still stabbed him ice cold from behind. More than ever he wished, Coulson would have still been available to call in such moments. He wouldn't have hesitated to help him remember without judging him.
"Guess they knew I would only get you in trouble even back then or something."