study_in_scarlet | Wherever You Will Go (for inevermiss)

The mission was finally over and Natasha was home, a fact that left her with both relief and trepidation. For the past three weeks, besides the job at hand all she had thought about was Clint. Of course she worried; after his confession she couldn’t not worry, no matter how well he had seemed that last morning, but it wasn’t just that. Sometimes she wondered if they could really make it work, if they could have a real romantic relationship amidst their chaotic lives; sometimes she thought the entire thing was a mistake. Had they ruined their friendship? Could they ever be efficient partners again? Was it too late to go back? Could things ever be as they were between them again? Did she want them to be? Most nights she went to be determined that nothing would change, that it wasn’t worth the risk, but most mornings she awoke wishing he was there with his sleep mussed hair, his warm skin, and that content and happy smile.

Now that she was back she still wasn’t certain which side of her inner war had won; all she knew was that she had a promise to keep. Once her debriefing was concluded she went in search of her partner. It didn’t take long for her to find him, and while the counsellor’s office was not a place she liked to be, she knew Clint felt the same way. Perhaps a friendly face in the waiting room when he emerged from his session was just what the doctor ordered.

Grabbing a magazine, Natasha settled down in one of the chairs and crossed her legs, her eyes only briefly scanning each page as she flicked idly through, her eyes drawn to the clock then the door every ten seconds or so. Patience was always more Clint’s thing.

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It wasn't much, but it was enough to tell him that he wasn't the only one that had thought twice about that night. Still, he was careful not to look over at her to study her face the way he wanted to. Part of him was afraid that he wouldn't be able to read it. Tasha's poker face was impenetrable when she wanted it to be and this was one thing he didn't want it to be impenetrable about.

"I'm glad I wasn't the only one," he said, as he busied himself with the helicopter system. He checked the frequencies to see if it'd be reported missing yet. So far, so good.

"So I figure we've got about an hour before Fury's threatening an assignment in Antarctica. Where do you want to go?"

She knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, knew that she was being too closed, too cautious, but she didn’t know how to really open up about this. How could she tell him how she felt about it when she didn’t know herself? But for now she just told herself that it was because they were flying, that the conversation would come easier when they were on the ground and no longer distracted.

She had always been good at lying, even to herself.

“Fast food and somewhere quiet?” she suggested. She didn’t want to sit in a restaurant, or anywhere where there would be crowds of people. She wanted him to herself, even if that meant that the talk was inevitable. Better to do so alone than with other people around to make them put on masks and act out a show.

"Sounds good to me," he said, giving her a quick grin as he directed the helicopter towards the city. He concentrated on the controls and picking out a suitable helicopter pad before saying more. He needed a moment to try to prepare himself for whatever was coming next. Whatever it was, it would be enough to keep him from crashing her next assignment. She had kept him going when he had little of himself left to go on.

He landed downtown, knowing there would be plenty of restaurants with take out within walking distance. He shut off the helicopter and unbuckled the seat belt.

"Thank you for flying Fury Air. Your dinner awaits."

As always Clint seemed to understand; she wasn’t ignoring what they had shared, she just didn’t want to start the conversation until they would have time to finish it. Part of her didn’t want to start the conversation at all, true, but she knew they had to talk. Clint was her best friend, the most important person in her life, and she would not allow this to come between them because she was a coward.

“We should probably pick up some donuts on the way back. If Fury is aware of this joyride we can use them as a peace offering,” she said after disembarking the helicopter. “What do you think: burger and fries or an old fashioned vendor hot dog?”

Clint gave a small snort at the idea that Fury would forgive them if they brought back a couple of bear claws. If he found out, which he probably already had, it would most likely be used in order to push them towards their next missions. Missions which Clint had a sinking feeling would once again separate them for a long length of time.

Which was why it was important to make the most of the time they had together.

"Man, you are a cheap date," he said, giving her a small grin. "Come on, I can do better than that."

He moved to the roof access door and held it open for her. "Besides, might be the last decent meal we get for a while."

Date. Natasha tried not to take the word seriously. She wasn’t really the type to ‘date’. She had had various hookups over the years, maybe a dinner or two, but she had never really considered it dating. Of course none of those men had been Clint either.

Assuring herself he was just joking, she gave him a playfully skeptical look before passing through the door he held for her.

“So I get home in time for one good meal and then it’s soldier’s rations in some desert location for the next few weeks?” she said, brushing her hair back over her shoulder and looking over at him. She doubted Fury would be so cruel. If Clint was still attending psychiatric appointments then he hadn’t been completely cleared yet. That should buy them some leeway on the punishment.

Wherever You Will Go (for inevermiss)

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