The truth of the matter was that she was just as
much of a coward. It was easy to hold
him like this, to comfort him when she couldn’t see his eyes red from crying,
see the heartbreak in his expression. If
she had to face him like this she wasn’t sure she could continue to hold
herself together.
His breath was warm against her skin but it did
nothing to banish the coldness that had settled over her, permeating from
within. She still felt numb, and while
it wasn’t a good feeling it was a necessary one if she was to get through this
and do what needed to be done.
It was all almost undone by the absolute
devastation in his voice.
She wanted to cry with him for what they were
losing, wanted to yell at him for letting it affect him so bad, for trying to
get her to feel it. It was the right thing to do, the only thing to do,
but she still couldn’t say with certainty that it was what she wanted.
There is always a choice. Clint taught you that.
“I know,” she said quietly, lifting her head to
place a gentle kiss to the nape of his neck. “It can be just as hard to lose
what you don’t have sometimes.”
But they weren’t losing it, they weren’t losing
anything. She was giving it up before
there was even a chance of losing it. It’s better this way, she told herself, but better
for whom?
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Date: 2014-06-10 02:26 pm (UTC)From:The truth of the matter was that she was just as much of a coward. It was easy to hold him like this, to comfort him when she couldn’t see his eyes red from crying, see the heartbreak in his expression. If she had to face him like this she wasn’t sure she could continue to hold herself together.
His breath was warm against her skin but it did nothing to banish the coldness that had settled over her, permeating from within. She still felt numb, and while it wasn’t a good feeling it was a necessary one if she was to get through this and do what needed to be done.
It was all almost undone by the absolute devastation in his voice.
She wanted to cry with him for what they were losing, wanted to yell at him for letting it affect him so bad, for trying to get her to feel it. It was the right thing to do, the only thing to do, but she still couldn’t say with certainty that it was what she wanted.
There is always a choice. Clint taught you that.
“I know,” she said quietly, lifting her head to place a gentle kiss to the nape of his neck. “It can be just as hard to lose what you don’t have sometimes.”
But they weren’t losing it, they weren’t losing anything. She was giving it up before there was even a chance of losing it. It’s better this way, she told herself, but better for whom?