The answer maybe wasn’t what she wanted to hear but it was honest and it was expected. It was a big decision, one they had never expected to face, so of course it wasn’t so easy to make.
Leaning into his touch, Natasha clenched the back of his shirt in her fists and closed her eyes. He was still here, he was still with her, and no matter what happened he would be by her side.
She had thought he was done talking, that they would be stuck in limbo again with neither of them knowing what to say nor how to say it, but thankfully he knew they couldn’t carry on that way, and he knew that she needed more than an “I don’t know”.
He was still unsure, that much was obvious, and while he spoke of them making this decision together, it seemed quite clear that he would bow to her wishes in the end. If she felt it was too risky, if she felt there was no possibility she would carry to term, then he would stand by her as she terminated the pregnancy before she could miscarry, whether he wanted to or not.
That wasn’t the full truth, though and what he followed up with made her body freeze. He wanted to know how high the risk really was before deciding, meaning that he didn’t believe her that it was impossible. But no, it wasn’t quite that. At first it had been the doctors in the Red Room that had told her that her body was a ruin and would never birth a live child, so they had supposedly fixed it so she would never conceive again. Clearly that was a lie. Then it had been S.H.I.E.L.D. who had confirmed the diagnosis, but what it that was another lie? And even if they weren’t lying, maybe they saw what they expected to see. Maybe...
Taking a shuddering breath she nodded against him. “Okay,” she said, not elaborating. If he wanted to wait to decide then they would wait. If he wanted to hear it from a doctor directly that it was too risky to even try, then that was what they would do. And if her diagnosis didn’t turn out how she expected... no, she couldn’t let herself think that yet.
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Date: 2014-06-13 06:07 pm (UTC)From:Leaning into his touch, Natasha clenched the back of his shirt in her fists and closed her eyes. He was still here, he was still with her, and no matter what happened he would be by her side.
She had thought he was done talking, that they would be stuck in limbo again with neither of them knowing what to say nor how to say it, but thankfully he knew they couldn’t carry on that way, and he knew that she needed more than an “I don’t know”.
He was still unsure, that much was obvious, and while he spoke of them making this decision together, it seemed quite clear that he would bow to her wishes in the end. If she felt it was too risky, if she felt there was no possibility she would carry to term, then he would stand by her as she terminated the pregnancy before she could miscarry, whether he wanted to or not.
That wasn’t the full truth, though and what he followed up with made her body freeze. He wanted to know how high the risk really was before deciding, meaning that he didn’t believe her that it was impossible. But no, it wasn’t quite that. At first it had been the doctors in the Red Room that had told her that her body was a ruin and would never birth a live child, so they had supposedly fixed it so she would never conceive again. Clearly that was a lie. Then it had been S.H.I.E.L.D. who had confirmed the diagnosis, but what it that was another lie? And even if they weren’t lying, maybe they saw what they expected to see. Maybe...
Taking a shuddering breath she nodded against him. “Okay,” she said, not elaborating. If he wanted to wait to decide then they would wait. If he wanted to hear it from a doctor directly that it was too risky to even try, then that was what they would do. And if her diagnosis didn’t turn out how she expected... no, she couldn’t let herself think that yet.