The answer was flatter than she expected but it was something, something more than him just staring at his feet while she tried to figure this out for herself. She knew in the end that this was her decision, but it was a big decision, and he was very much a part of it as well.
She expected him to agree, but she was surprised when he asked that question again, the one that turned her inside out and made this all so difficult. Did she want the baby.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Since the... since the last time it hasn’t been an option so I haven’t thought about it for so long.”
Now she had to think about it, now she had to make the decision. It should have been easy because of all the things she had already said. There were so many reasons they shouldn’t even attempt this, so many reasons why they should book that appointment and end it all now. What good reasons were there to keep it?
“It’s just that... this wasn’t supposed to be possible, and if...” she paused to take a deep, shuddering breath. The steel walls she had put up were tumbling, that cold mask slipping away. “This is likely my only chance.” That was what it all boiled down to. If she got rid of it now and decided later that she was ready and wanted this, it wasn’t likely to be a possibility again in the future.
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Date: 2014-06-18 09:58 pm (UTC)From:She expected him to agree, but she was surprised when he asked that question again, the one that turned her inside out and made this all so difficult. Did she want the baby.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Since the... since the last time it hasn’t been an option so I haven’t thought about it for so long.”
Now she had to think about it, now she had to make the decision. It should have been easy because of all the things she had already said. There were so many reasons they shouldn’t even attempt this, so many reasons why they should book that appointment and end it all now. What good reasons were there to keep it?
“It’s just that... this wasn’t supposed to be possible, and if...” she paused to take a deep, shuddering breath. The steel walls she had put up were tumbling, that cold mask slipping away. “This is likely my only chance.” That was what it all boiled down to. If she got rid of it now and decided later that she was ready and wanted this, it wasn’t likely to be a possibility again in the future.