Her words made him wince, startle just the slightest bit, and still he was glad she was saying it. They had been dancing around the subject long enough. This was a problem, and if they couldn't handle it, they had to get rid of it. As cruel as it sounded, that was what they were planning. And if they kept running from it, trying to fool themselves, it would only make the nightmares so much worse.
He really couldn't be mad at her for doing this though he kind of wished, she would have told him. Then again, maybe he had needed that cold shower, before he really could have ended up somewhere on Mount Etna with a bottle in his hand.
"I know."
It sounded very tiny and tired. He placed the photo back on her hand to let her know it was okay and wrapped his fingers around hers then, holding her close to him, softly rocking her in a manner of comfort he couldn't feel himself.
This was terrible, it hurt even more than he had expected, and looking away from the damn picture didn't help. He would always remember how it had looked from now on. He would be dreaming of this damn thing, and in his dreams he would wonder how it would have looked if the baby had been older, how it would have looked when it was born...
Stop it, stop it, you stupid fuck, right now.
But he couldn't stop it. His brain had finally caught up with the facts after lying to himself for long days, and now he couldn't stop thinking about it how it would be if they had a baby. It was the worst idea of the century. He was dooming this child just by thinking about it, he was being a shitty father before it was even born, but he couldn't stop thinking about it.
Natasha's hair got wet a little from where he nuzzled his cheek against her, silent, lost tears that he could stop just as little as his brain from working. Why couldn't they just be happy for once?
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Date: 2014-06-19 08:04 pm (UTC)From:He really couldn't be mad at her for doing this though he kind of wished, she would have told him. Then again, maybe he had needed that cold shower, before he really could have ended up somewhere on Mount Etna with a bottle in his hand.
"I know."
It sounded very tiny and tired. He placed the photo back on her hand to let her know it was okay and wrapped his fingers around hers then, holding her close to him, softly rocking her in a manner of comfort he couldn't feel himself.
This was terrible, it hurt even more than he had expected, and looking away from the damn picture didn't help. He would always remember how it had looked from now on. He would be dreaming of this damn thing, and in his dreams he would wonder how it would have looked if the baby had been older, how it would have looked when it was born...
Stop it, stop it, you stupid fuck, right now.
But he couldn't stop it. His brain had finally caught up with the facts after lying to himself for long days, and now he couldn't stop thinking about it how it would be if they had a baby. It was the worst idea of the century. He was dooming this child just by thinking about it, he was being a shitty father before it was even born, but he couldn't stop thinking about it.
Natasha's hair got wet a little from where he nuzzled his cheek against her, silent, lost tears that he could stop just as little as his brain from working. Why couldn't they just be happy for once?