She had his full attention now and it was completely terrifying. She had had months to think about what she would say when she saw him again, but everything she had planned escaped her now that the time was finally here. There was only one thing she could do.
She had to just close her eyes and speak from the heart.
“When I married Alexei it wasn’t my choice,” she started, and once the words started they just kept going. “The marriage was arranged and I did what I was told. I never questioned it.”
This wasn’t anything Clint didn’t already know; what he hadn’t read in her file years ago she had told him since. She had never gotten into the details, though. Even though she had turned to face him, and she continued her story she dropped her eyes to her hands. It would be easier if she didn’t look at him.
“The marriage had been set up, but I grew to love him anyway.” It still hurt to talk about it more than a decade later; some wounds never healed. “I loved him, and when he was killed I was devastated and decided I was never going to let myself be that vulnerable again. Love was for the innocent and naive and I was neither of these things. It was a luxury I didn’t deserve so I shut it out.”
He knew how the rest of that story went. After Alexei’s death she had gone rogue, using the skills the Red Room had given her to do her own jobs. She sold herself out to the highest bidder and she didn’t care what she had to do for it. That was how SHIELD had caught wind of her, and it was why they had sent Clint after her.
“You did more than spare my life that day. You saved me,” Natasha forced herself to look at him now. “You saved me from myself. Since then you’ve trusted me, believed in me and... you’re the most important thing in my life, Clint.”
Her chest felt tight, her throat dry, and as much as she tried to ignore it she could feel her eyes starting to burn. “You... when I thought...” she was losing it, her words were failing her. She had to just say it. “I loved Alexei, but what I feel for you is so much stronger.”
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Date: 2013-02-11 01:47 am (UTC)From:She had to just close her eyes and speak from the heart.
“When I married Alexei it wasn’t my choice,” she started, and once the words started they just kept going. “The marriage was arranged and I did what I was told. I never questioned it.”
This wasn’t anything Clint didn’t already know; what he hadn’t read in her file years ago she had told him since. She had never gotten into the details, though. Even though she had turned to face him, and she continued her story she dropped her eyes to her hands. It would be easier if she didn’t look at him.
“The marriage had been set up, but I grew to love him anyway.” It still hurt to talk about it more than a decade later; some wounds never healed. “I loved him, and when he was killed I was devastated and decided I was never going to let myself be that vulnerable again. Love was for the innocent and naive and I was neither of these things. It was a luxury I didn’t deserve so I shut it out.”
He knew how the rest of that story went. After Alexei’s death she had gone rogue, using the skills the Red Room had given her to do her own jobs. She sold herself out to the highest bidder and she didn’t care what she had to do for it. That was how SHIELD had caught wind of her, and it was why they had sent Clint after her.
“You did more than spare my life that day. You saved me,” Natasha forced herself to look at him now. “You saved me from myself. Since then you’ve trusted me, believed in me and... you’re the most important thing in my life, Clint.”
Her chest felt tight, her throat dry, and as much as she tried to ignore it she could feel her eyes starting to burn. “You... when I thought...” she was losing it, her words were failing her. She had to just say it. “I loved Alexei, but what I feel for you is so much stronger.”