Dancing in the Dark (for farmboyhawk)

[study_in_scarlet]

They didn’t get a lot of time off together, at least not enough to make a trip away worthwhile, so for this one weekend they decided to stay in the city and play tourist for the day.

They had started with a walk through Central Park before grabbing an early lunch at one of the city’s many street vendors and then wandering through the American Museum of Natural history. Natasha found the Hall of Minerals fascinating while Clint had gotten a kick out of all the dinosaur bones. They both enjoyed laying under the big blue whale with all the normal people.

Afterwards they went to a nice restaurant for supper, blending into the crowd of normal couples as best they could and Natasha actually forgot if she was playing a role or being herself as they finished their wine and shared their desserts.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely as they left the restaurant, stepping back into the cool night air. Nearby a busker played guitar and sang with surprising melody and soul, barely seeming to notice as people threw change into his open case, so caught up was he in his music.


Comments

[farmboyhawk]

"We've had a few very beautiful ones, though. And there'll be some more."

Clint reached out from under his nest to caress her leg softly.

"These are the kind of memories I always take with me, you know. Of you smiling, happy, in the sun. Haven't felt that normal in years."

[study_in_scarlet]

Of course he was right; what few days they had taken advantage of the weather had been wonderful, so even if they didn’t get anymore they still had those memories, and nobody could take that from them.

While her stomach wasn’t revolting against her, Natasha didn’t feel like pushing it much yet so she abandoned the food for now. Snuggling back down into the bed she let herself relax under Clint’s comforting touch. “We don’t really get to do normal often,” she replied. With the lives they led, ‘normal’ wasn’t really their thing, but it was nice to get a taste of that, to leave everything else behind and just live like normal people lived. “Of everywhere we could have gone, I’m glad we came here.”

[farmboyhawk]

"Very glad you feel that way."

Clint showed a smile of relief. It was good to know they could keep this place in mind for future vacations. There weren't that many corners in the world they could feel welcome and safe in.

"We could think about getting a kid's here room too, you know. For like, getting away from time to time."

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha's brows pinched together and her hand moved to her stomach again, rubbing gentle circles over it.  A kid's room, some place for their child to sleep during a family vacation.  The very idea was so strange, so alien, that she was having a hard time grasping it.

"It's so strange to think that far ahead," she admitted, meeting Clint's eyes again.  "Right now it's just this little thing, just some blurry image on a monitor, but in less than a year it could be a child.  Our child."

She was still having a hard time coming to terms with that information, partially because she was scared to, and partially because she just didn't know how.  After believing for so many years that it wasn't possible, it was hard to accept that it was really happening now.

[farmboyhawk]

"Then don't. Plenty of time to think about it in a few months."

Clint put his hand over hers, just lightly, ready to let go anytime, just like the subject at hand. He couldn't and didn't want to push Natasha about any of this. They had to take all this slow.

"Just me getting in way over my head again."

He smiled up at her apologetically and quickly turned his head to hide his little blush in the pillows.

[study_in_scarlet]

Clint gave in so easy, not wanting to push her or upset her, and Natasha couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. He was clearly excited and looking forward to this new future of theirs, and she kept putting a damper on that excitement because she wasn’t ready to face it yet. And, as always, Clint bent while she stayed rigid.

“I’m sorry I’m making this so difficult,” she said after a moment. She should be excited, they should be planning ahead, thinking of names, making a list of things they needed. She was holding all of that back. She had to compromise. “Just give me another week and another check-up with the doctor. Deal?”

[farmboyhawk]

"You don't need to apologize for being afraid, Nat. Not to me. Never."

Clint propped himself up on one elbow and put his hand on Natasha's cheek instead of her belly, gentle fingertips pushing her hair back until his knuckles softly caressed her skin, just the tip of his thumb resting against her lower lip.

"Our lives are difficult, they always were. I need to keep that in mind. If this all goes wrong, it will hurt like fuck. I'm just trying to put a little good faith in here and not lose ground completely. We're in this together, and that's what counts. There's so much time left to plan once you're feeling better about all this. Don't worry about it."

[study_in_scarlet]

He was always so understanding, so supportive, and not for the first time Natasha found herself wondering how she had gotten so lucky. He was everything she ever could have dreamed of, everything she had thought she didn’t deserve. Someone like her wasn’t supposed to love, to be loved, but against all odds they had found each other. If that could happen, then maybe she should have a little faith too that perhaps anything really could.

Kissing the pad of his thumb softly, she snuggled down to lay with him. “Hold me?” she said, hating how small and vulnerable her voice sounded but not trying to hide it from Clint. He wanted to help, needed her honesty, her trust, her faith. She didn’t have to be strong around him, didn’t have to wear a mask nor armour. She could just be, and right now she just wanted to be in his arms. “I promise I won’t breathe on you.”