When the Daylight Comes (For inevermiss )

[study_in_scarlet]

This was not how Natasha had imagined her evening going at all. After a frustrating day she had planned to have some tea, read a book, and maybe take a bath before crawling into bed for a good night’s sleep so she could redouble her efforts on the mission tomorrow. Instead her tea still sat untouched on the coffee table beside a half empty bottle of vodka, her book was discarded on the floor, and the living room was a general disarray of clothing, cushions, and even a knocked over lamp. They had made it to bed sometime between rounds one and two, but so far she had yet to fall asleep despite the soothing rhythm of Clint’s breath trying to lull her. She could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath her as he slept, a quiet comfort as she thought of what he had told her only a few hours ago.

Raising her head just enough to see his face, she studied his expression, noting the sense of peace she hadn’t seen on his features for a very long time, if she was honest. That was the problem, though: she hadn’t been honest; she hadn’t been honest with herself for just as long, and in the end she had failed him. Had she looked she would have seen that he was struggling, but it had been so much easier to ignore it, to pretend she didn’t see how he was fraying around the edges. She had wanted to believe that all was well, that she had fixed him, but she knew better than anyone that it wasn’t that easy. She had been lying to herself, so afraid to admit what was really going on. When Loki had had Clint she had been one push away from tearing the world apart to get him back and once she’d had time to look back and realise how close she had been it had terrified her. She couldn’t lose him, yet it had almost happened again, and this time there would have been nobody to fight, no way to get him back, and no one to blame but herself.

Placing the softest kiss on his chest, right over his heart, Natasha was careful not to wake him as she rolled away to lay on her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Replaying the events of the evening over in her mind she recalled his hot mouth on her skin, how he had held her gently yet firmly, how he had filled her so completely. It was a line she had told herself she would never cross, but she had been dancing along it for so long now it was only surprising in that it had taken this long. She was compromised, there was no point trying to deny it any longer, so only one question remained:

Where did they go from here?

Comments

[inevermiss]

Clint was a light sleeper. He always had been and though he was fully at peace for the first time in months without the threat of a nightmare, or reliving the events on the helicarrier, he woke up instantly at the brush of her lips on his skin.

It was very much preferable to being awoken by his own panicked brain. It took him a moment to take in his surroundings, the events from the night before flooding back. For a moment he just laid there, soaking in Natasha's company and warmth and the feeling of peace that he got from it. This was what he needed. She was what he needed. When he was around her he didn't just feel like his old self, he felt better than his old self.

He felt Natasha settle back on the bed and took a deep breath before turning towards her and propping himself up with his elbow. He gave her a soft smile. "Morning."

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha had about five seconds with her thoughts before she heard Clint’s breath change and then he was rolling over to face her and any chance she had of figuring this out on her own was gone. She should have known she would wake him the moment she moved, he had always been an extremely light sleeper, but she had overestimated her own ability to move stealthily. There was a big difference between moving around when people didn’t know you were there, and physically removing yourself from someone. Stealth had little to do with it.

“Good morning,” she replied, turning just her head toward him and mirroring his smile. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” His hair was tousled, the darkness under his eyes had receded, and the casual way he lounged beside her certainly didn’t hurt the image. She had always found him to be an attractive man, but never moreso than in this particular moment.

[inevermiss]

"You didn't," he said, even though they both knew it was a lie. Even if she hadn't he would've been awake within a couple of minutes anyway. His internal clock never seemed to let him sleep in one place for very long at all.

He glanced at the clock behind her and the curtains even further back. It was still dark, though it wouldn't stay that way for long. Still, he couldn't seem to make himself move from the comfortable spot on the bed, or the light of her smile.

"You know, believe it or not, ending up here wasn't what I was going for last night." He was quick to go one. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

[study_in_scarlet]

Of course it was a lie, but Natasha didn’t bother to call him on it. Certain statements seemed to always garner certain responses, whether they were true or not.

While Clint’s eyes moved past her, assessing how much time he had before he’d have to make a getaway, Natasha shifted onto her side to face him, tucking one hand beneath her pillow. She couldn’t help but chuckle at his words. She believed him; she had no reason not to. She had been the one to make the first move, after all, and as smooth as Clint might think he was at times, convincing someone that something was their idea, getting them to suggest the exact thing you’re going for, was her specialty, not his. If he had come up here with the intention of getting her into bed it would have worked out differently.

“So you scaled the side of my building just to see me, and you weren’t even trying to get laid?” she couldn’t help but tease him even so.

[inevermiss]

"Well, when you put it that way..." A warm smile washes over his face as he focuses back on her face and that light in her eyes.

He wonders if she has any idea how many times she's saved his life. If she has a mental tally. He wonders if she has any idea how many times she's saved him. If they hadn't had one another all this time to balance out the other and help them find themselves again after certain jobs he thinks that he would be a different person. Less of one, by many people's standards.

If it hadn't been for her, he's not sure he would be anyone recognizable at this point. He's held onto who he is because of her. She saved his life on his last assignment and she hadn't even been there. He moves closer to her, reaching out and resting a hand on her waist before moving in for a kiss.

"I can't remember if I thanked you for not shooting me on the balcony."

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha returned his smile, grateful to see him looking so relaxed, so happy. He had frightened her last night with his admittance; the very idea of losing him was one she hated to even consider, one she avoided more often than not. He had looked so defeated, so broken, but this morning she saw no traces of that; this morning she saw the Clint she knew and... cared very deeply for.

She let him kiss her, her hand moving to lay against his cheek when she kissed him back. She hadn’t known what to expect this morning, from both him and herself. Would it be awkward? Would there be regret? Would it ruin everything they had built over the years? Natasha was surprised, very pleasantly so, to find the answer to all of these to be ‘no’; she was even more surprised at how natural it felt to be here with him, like this.

“You were lucky,” she said, brushing her thumb against his cheek. “I came very close to it.”

[inevermiss]

"Guess my luck hasn't run out just yet," Clint said, leaning into her touch. God, she was beautiful like this. He already knew that of course. Her beauty was the first thing that people noticed. Sometimes it was the last thing they ever noticed.

But he'd come to appreciate the different kinds of beauty that made up the Black Widow. The ruthless kind that left a wake of destruction behind her. The stunning kind that made her entrance into a crowded room unforgettable. The unassuming kind that allowed her to blend into a crowd and get her way without attracting too much attention. And then the secret kind that came out during rare moments of vulnerability or relaxation. He basked in the glow of that beauty now, knowing that for this moment at least, her mind was nowhere else but with him.

He turned his head, pressing his mouth lightly against her palm. It was a bit cheesy, maybe, but it felt right. "So when I show up tonight, I can trust you to leave the gun out of it?"

[study_in_scarlet]

When he leaned into her touch she brushed her thumb over his cheek softly before laying her head back against the pillow again. “If you had a super power, I believe that would be it,” she said. In many aspects of his life Clint was far from lucky, but when it came to avoiding death and pulling himself out of dangerous situations, never a luckier man had she met in her life.

As he admired her beauty, Natasha did the same of him. Clint was far from the ‘tall, dark and handsome’ stereotype, but he was more beautiful than most men she had ever seen. He was not tall nor overly muscular, but his body was toned and shaped for speed and agility, and his arms were beyond compare. His nose was wide but shaped well, and there were lines around his eyes that she liked to think were formed from laughing. His smile was infectious, the kind that could light up even the darkest room or the saddest heart, and his eyes... they were like the sea: ever changing, and making it impossibly to truly discern their colour. But it wasn’t just his physical appearance that made him beautiful, it was the soul she knew was housed within.

Smiling when he kissed her palm, she brushed her thumb against his skin again before her entire body stiffened at his words.

He wanted to come back again tonight.

“Clint...” she said his name unsurely, her smile fading and her brow furrowing. This was an important mission, and he could have blown the whole thing last night had he gotten caught. He hadn’t, though, and she couldn’t begrudge him for coming now that she knew his reasoning, but to tempt fate again... “This is not a risk I can take again.” No matter how badly she wanted to.

[inevermiss]

He looks up, his eyes meeting hers and it's that unmistakable bit of regret that warms him from the inside out. If she could without compromising herself or the mission, he knows she would. He knows that she'd be waiting for him.

And really it's that knowledge that will give him the strength to get through the thoughts that have been plaguing him. That are still with him, even now but have been blasted into the corners of his mind by the light in front of him.

"I know," he said softly, meeting her gaze head on. "I won't compromise you more than I have already."

It's a promise. One that settles low in his stomach. This mission might take days or it might take weeks. All he knows is that he won't feel whole again until he can see her without any negative consequences.

[study_in_scarlet]

For a moment she’s worried that he’ll take it wrong, that he’ll see it as a rejection, or her claiming that it this was a one night stand. She should have known better, should have known that he would see in her eyes what she had a hard time expressing. She wanted him to come back; more than that she wanted him to stay, but he knew as well as she did that it was impossible, and he accepted it easily. It was that understanding they shared that made them work so well for so long.

He didn’t shy away from her gaze, and he accepted her words without question. This was who they were; they didn’t get the luxury of taking what they wanted they had orders to follow and jobs to complete. Sometimes Natasha enjoyed her job, and she was very good at it, but other times she wondered if SHIELD was just a lesser of two evils, and what it would truly be like to live free.

“Come here,” she said quietly. Wrapping one arm around his side, she grasped his shoulder with the other, pulling and urging him over to lay practically on top of her. She could have easily rolled on top of him herself, pinning him beneath her, but it was a show of trust, of submission. “I’m glad you came here last night,” she admitted. As angry as she had been initially, she was glad he had followed his instincts and defied everything to see her, and she was glad for how the night had ended.

[inevermiss]

Luxury wasn't something that went hand in hand with being an agent of SHIELD. They did what they were told. They did what they had to in order to get the job done, whether it was sitting pretty in the penthouse of a mob building, or fighting for their lives in the inner-city slums of Budapest. The only luxury they got with one another was honesty. They hadn't lied to each other for years, because they were the only person they didn't have to. The only other person they'd shared that loyalty with had been Phil and he was gone now.

He obeyed her soft demand immediately without question, scooting closer to her as she wrapped her arm around his side. He melted into her warmth, wrapping his own arm around her in turn, feeling her warmth underneath him. He rested his head lightly on her chest, soaking in the feel of her underneath him. He knew it would have to last until the next time he could see her without compromising her or the mission.

"Best thing I ever did," he said, smiling against her skin, before lifting his head to look at her. The sun was rising, light filtering through the thin curtains. His chance to escape without being noticed was slipping away, and yet he couldn't make himself leave just yet.

"When this is over..." He pauses, letting out a soft sigh. The small smile returns, though it's tempered somewhat. "You can come for me."

[study_in_scarlet]

Honesty was something that had taken Natasha a long time to learn. When she had first met Clint she had been a living lie. Her existence was for nothing real, her only purpose was to lie, and she had spent so many years being told what to do, to think, to say, to be, (but not to feel, never to feel) that she hadn’t even known who she truly was. Clint had eventually gained her trust, had helped her discover what she liked and disliked, had helped her discover the real Natasha once Natalia and all her programming was left behind. Clint had taken her life that day, but he had given her a new one, a better one, a real one. As a result he was the only person who truly knew her, the only person worth of her complete and utter trust and honesty.

He sank into her embrace and she held him close, relishing in his warmth, in the solidness of him. It had been so long since she had been this close, this intimate, with another person in any way and it threatened to take her breath away. The sun was rising, threatening to take him away so she closed her eyes tight against it, wanting to hold on just a moment longer. She memorised the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips as she ran them along his back; how he smelled, tinged with sweat and sex; the curve of his lips against her skin when he smiled. Reluctantly she opened her eyes when he lifted his head to look at her, and she was sure her smile had to match his, one small and restrained as their separation drew nearer.

“Wherever you are, I will find you,” she said, smiling a little wider. She could hope he would be at home base, but if he was on a mission elsewhere by the time hers wrapped up... well, they might just have to make a game out of this. And a dangerous game it would be, for their careers and their lives.

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea.

“You need to go,” she said, her eyes flickering briefly to the window but her arm stayed around him.

[inevermiss]

Those words, even though they were followed by a reminder that he couldn't stay was more than enough to warm him from the inside out. Nat didn't make promises she didn't intend on keeping. Even if he knew that she'd find him, it was cemented that much more when she said it out loud.

The sun was getting too bright, too quickly. His window was closing and they both knew it. He reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning in for one last kiss. One last promise.

There were things he probably needed to say. Things he wanted to, but he'd never been good at saying them. Instead he cupped her face and pulled back, forcing a grin despite the mixed feelings he had at leaving. "It's a date."

A moment later he had pushed himself out of bed and was quickly grabbing his things. The window was closing and he wouldn't be responsible for compromising Nat, even if she could take out these mobsters with her little finger. The mission was important.

[study_in_scarlet]

Part of her wanted to kiss him hard and rough, to burn her taste upon his tongue and the memory on his brain, but it didn’t feel right, not in this moment. Instead she returned the kiss softly, almost sweetly, her eyes remaining closed a moment longer after they parted before she forced herself to open them. His smile was forced, she could read that pretty easily, and while she knew her own would be more believable she didn’t even try. Until he spoke and she couldn’t help the faint yet genuine smile his words caused.

Only reluctantly did she let him up, and she inwardly cursed herself for feeling immediately cold and lacking from the loss of his body heat and comfortable weigh on her.

Rising from the bed, she wrapped her body in a silk robe and followed Clint to the living room, silently watching him gather his clothing and quickly dress. She wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say, and even if she could figure that much out she wasn’t sure how she would say it. She wasn’t the type to tell him to be careful, to watch his back, and she hoped she didn’t have to. He was different this morning, more like his old self. His confession last night had frightened her, but she had to trust in him, had to trust that he would never really give up, especially not now. If he didn’t think this thing between them was worth exploring enough to keep fighting then she would find a way to make him pay.

[inevermiss]

He could feel her eyes on him as he moved around the room. He dressed quickly, covering up any trace of his visit from the night before. He even made sure to grab his glass and put it in the dishwasher. It wouldn't do for anyone to think that Natasha had some company the night before.

When he was done he looked back at her, taking a moment to burn the sight of her in her robe in his mind. He would need to make the image last until this was all over.

He thought he should say something more. But he knew he didn't need to. He'd said all of the important things the night before. He wanted to go to her and kiss her one more time, but he knew if he did, leaving would be that much harder.

Instead he moved to the sliding doors, opening it and listening to the wind as it whistled past.

"See you later, Juliet," he said, his mouth quirking up wards. He stepped out onto the balcony and shot an arrow at the building across the way. When he was sure it was anchored he jumped, leaving Natasha and the night that still felt like some kind of dream behind.

[study_in_scarlet]

She should have protested when he started cleaning up the mess they had made, should have told him she would take care of it, that he should just go, but it meant he stayed a few minutes longer, and she unwisely allowed it. When he had finished she followed him to the balcony, though always keeping a few feet between them. She wanted to kiss him goodbye, to taste him one last time before he left but she restrained herself. How could she satisfy herself with one kiss? It was best not to tempt it.

His gaze was heavy as he looked at her, his eyes traveling over her as if memorising every detail, and she too remained silent; what more was there for them to say?

The breeze was cool when he opened the door; cool and fresh and she breathed it in greedily, envying Clint a moment that he could leave this place while she would be stuck here in someone else’s persona for an undetermined amount of time. His words caused him to smile, though, and she gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. A moment later he had gathered his gear and fired a perfectly aimed arrow. A moment after that he was gone. Stepping out on the balcony she watched across the way until she could see him no more. She wanted to go back inside and wrap herself up in the sheets again that still smelled like him, but she had work to do if she was ever going to complete this mission. She was determined now, her frustration and momentary feeling of failure from the night before gone. She would redouble her efforts, she would get the information she needed, and she would nail that bastard to the wall.

“Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow,” she muttered to herself. Shakespeare was hardly her favourite, but some lines were impossible not to remember.