This was not how Natasha had imagined her evening going at all. After a frustrating day she had planned to have some tea, read a book, and maybe take a bath before crawling into bed for a good night’s sleep so she could redouble her efforts on the mission tomorrow. Instead her tea still sat untouched on the coffee table beside a half empty bottle of vodka, her book was discarded on the floor, and the living room was a general disarray of clothing, cushions, and even a knocked over lamp. They had made it to bed sometime between rounds one and two, but so far she had yet to fall asleep despite the soothing rhythm of Clint’s breath trying to lull her. She could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath her as he slept, a quiet comfort as she thought of what he had told her only a few hours ago.
Raising her head just enough to see his face, she studied his expression, noting the sense of peace she hadn’t seen on his features for a very long time, if she was honest. That was the problem, though: she hadn’t been honest; she hadn’t been honest with herself for just as long, and in the end she had failed him. Had she looked she would have seen that he was struggling, but it had been so much easier to ignore it, to pretend she didn’t see how he was fraying around the edges. She had wanted to believe that all was well, that she had fixed him, but she knew better than anyone that it wasn’t that easy. She had been lying to herself, so afraid to admit what was really going on. When Loki had had Clint she had been one push away from tearing the world apart to get him back and once she’d had time to look back and realise how close she had been it had terrified her. She couldn’t lose him, yet it had almost happened again, and this time there would have been nobody to fight, no way to get him back, and no one to blame but herself.
Placing the softest kiss on his chest, right over his heart, Natasha was careful not to wake him as she rolled away to lay on her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Replaying the events of the evening over in her mind she recalled his hot mouth on her skin, how he had held her gently yet firmly, how he had filled her so completely. It was a line she had told herself she would never cross, but she had been dancing along it for so long now it was only surprising in that it had taken this long. She was compromised, there was no point trying to deny it any longer, so only one question remained:
Where did they go from here?
Raising her head just enough to see his face, she studied his expression, noting the sense of peace she hadn’t seen on his features for a very long time, if she was honest. That was the problem, though: she hadn’t been honest; she hadn’t been honest with herself for just as long, and in the end she had failed him. Had she looked she would have seen that he was struggling, but it had been so much easier to ignore it, to pretend she didn’t see how he was fraying around the edges. She had wanted to believe that all was well, that she had fixed him, but she knew better than anyone that it wasn’t that easy. She had been lying to herself, so afraid to admit what was really going on. When Loki had had Clint she had been one push away from tearing the world apart to get him back and once she’d had time to look back and realise how close she had been it had terrified her. She couldn’t lose him, yet it had almost happened again, and this time there would have been nobody to fight, no way to get him back, and no one to blame but herself.
Placing the softest kiss on his chest, right over his heart, Natasha was careful not to wake him as she rolled away to lay on her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Replaying the events of the evening over in her mind she recalled his hot mouth on her skin, how he had held her gently yet firmly, how he had filled her so completely. It was a line she had told herself she would never cross, but she had been dancing along it for so long now it was only surprising in that it had taken this long. She was compromised, there was no point trying to deny it any longer, so only one question remained:
Where did they go from here?
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Date: 2014-01-31 12:25 am (UTC)From:And really it's that knowledge that will give him the strength to get through the thoughts that have been plaguing him. That are still with him, even now but have been blasted into the corners of his mind by the light in front of him.
"I know," he said softly, meeting her gaze head on. "I won't compromise you more than I have already."
It's a promise. One that settles low in his stomach. This mission might take days or it might take weeks. All he knows is that he won't feel whole again until he can see her without any negative consequences.
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Date: 2014-01-31 01:16 am (UTC)From:He didn’t shy away from her gaze, and he accepted her words without question. This was who they were; they didn’t get the luxury of taking what they wanted they had orders to follow and jobs to complete. Sometimes Natasha enjoyed her job, and she was very good at it, but other times she wondered if SHIELD was just a lesser of two evils, and what it would truly be like to live free.
“Come here,” she said quietly. Wrapping one arm around his side, she grasped his shoulder with the other, pulling and urging him over to lay practically on top of her. She could have easily rolled on top of him herself, pinning him beneath her, but it was a show of trust, of submission. “I’m glad you came here last night,” she admitted. As angry as she had been initially, she was glad he had followed his instincts and defied everything to see her, and she was glad for how the night had ended.
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Date: 2014-02-03 07:49 am (UTC)From:He obeyed her soft demand immediately without question, scooting closer to her as she wrapped her arm around his side. He melted into her warmth, wrapping his own arm around her in turn, feeling her warmth underneath him. He rested his head lightly on her chest, soaking in the feel of her underneath him. He knew it would have to last until the next time he could see her without compromising her or the mission.
"Best thing I ever did," he said, smiling against her skin, before lifting his head to look at her. The sun was rising, light filtering through the thin curtains. His chance to escape without being noticed was slipping away, and yet he couldn't make himself leave just yet.
"When this is over..." He pauses, letting out a soft sigh. The small smile returns, though it's tempered somewhat. "You can come for me."
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Date: 2014-02-03 10:02 pm (UTC)From:He sank into her embrace and she held him close, relishing in his warmth, in the solidness of him. It had been so long since she had been this close, this intimate, with another person in any way and it threatened to take her breath away. The sun was rising, threatening to take him away so she closed her eyes tight against it, wanting to hold on just a moment longer. She memorised the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips as she ran them along his back; how he smelled, tinged with sweat and sex; the curve of his lips against her skin when he smiled. Reluctantly she opened her eyes when he lifted his head to look at her, and she was sure her smile had to match his, one small and restrained as their separation drew nearer.
“Wherever you are, I will find you,” she said, smiling a little wider. She could hope he would be at home base, but if he was on a mission elsewhere by the time hers wrapped up... well, they might just have to make a game out of this. And a dangerous game it would be, for their careers and their lives.
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea.
“You need to go,” she said, her eyes flickering briefly to the window but her arm stayed around him.
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Date: 2014-02-04 05:50 pm (UTC)From:The sun was getting too bright, too quickly. His window was closing and they both knew it. He reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning in for one last kiss. One last promise.
There were things he probably needed to say. Things he wanted to, but he'd never been good at saying them. Instead he cupped her face and pulled back, forcing a grin despite the mixed feelings he had at leaving. "It's a date."
A moment later he had pushed himself out of bed and was quickly grabbing his things. The window was closing and he wouldn't be responsible for compromising Nat, even if she could take out these mobsters with her little finger. The mission was important.
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Date: 2014-02-05 11:01 pm (UTC)From:Only reluctantly did she let him up, and she inwardly cursed herself for feeling immediately cold and lacking from the loss of his body heat and comfortable weigh on her.
Rising from the bed, she wrapped her body in a silk robe and followed Clint to the living room, silently watching him gather his clothing and quickly dress. She wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say, and even if she could figure that much out she wasn’t sure how she would say it. She wasn’t the type to tell him to be careful, to watch his back, and she hoped she didn’t have to. He was different this morning, more like his old self. His confession last night had frightened her, but she had to trust in him, had to trust that he would never really give up, especially not now. If he didn’t think this thing between them was worth exploring enough to keep fighting then she would find a way to make him pay.
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Date: 2014-02-08 07:25 am (UTC)From:When he was done he looked back at her, taking a moment to burn the sight of her in her robe in his mind. He would need to make the image last until this was all over.
He thought he should say something more. But he knew he didn't need to. He'd said all of the important things the night before. He wanted to go to her and kiss her one more time, but he knew if he did, leaving would be that much harder.
Instead he moved to the sliding doors, opening it and listening to the wind as it whistled past.
"See you later, Juliet," he said, his mouth quirking up wards. He stepped out onto the balcony and shot an arrow at the building across the way. When he was sure it was anchored he jumped, leaving Natasha and the night that still felt like some kind of dream behind.
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Date: 2014-02-08 05:06 pm (UTC)From:His gaze was heavy as he looked at her, his eyes traveling over her as if memorising every detail, and she too remained silent; what more was there for them to say?
The breeze was cool when he opened the door; cool and fresh and she breathed it in greedily, envying Clint a moment that he could leave this place while she would be stuck here in someone else’s persona for an undetermined amount of time. His words caused him to smile, though, and she gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes. A moment later he had gathered his gear and fired a perfectly aimed arrow. A moment after that he was gone. Stepping out on the balcony she watched across the way until she could see him no more. She wanted to go back inside and wrap herself up in the sheets again that still smelled like him, but she had work to do if she was ever going to complete this mission. She was determined now, her frustration and momentary feeling of failure from the night before gone. She would redouble her efforts, she would get the information she needed, and she would nail that bastard to the wall.
“Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow,” she muttered to herself. Shakespeare was hardly her favourite, but some lines were impossible not to remember.