Dancing in the Dark (for farmboyhawk)

[study_in_scarlet]

They didn’t get a lot of time off together, at least not enough to make a trip away worthwhile, so for this one weekend they decided to stay in the city and play tourist for the day.

They had started with a walk through Central Park before grabbing an early lunch at one of the city’s many street vendors and then wandering through the American Museum of Natural history. Natasha found the Hall of Minerals fascinating while Clint had gotten a kick out of all the dinosaur bones. They both enjoyed laying under the big blue whale with all the normal people.

Afterwards they went to a nice restaurant for supper, blending into the crowd of normal couples as best they could and Natasha actually forgot if she was playing a role or being herself as they finished their wine and shared their desserts.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely as they left the restaurant, stepping back into the cool night air. Nearby a busker played guitar and sang with surprising melody and soul, barely seeming to notice as people threw change into his open case, so caught up was he in his music.


Comments

[farmboyhawk]

"I'll put my 'I love the cook'-apron back on then."

Clint winked at hear and headed back to the kitchen. The rest of pizza had to go to the trash, sadly, but he would make sure they would do this soon again.

Cooking pancakes was something he could do in his sleep, so he allowed his mind to wander a bit, humming some old Sting-tune quietly while he was working. Natasha seemed to have recovered from her morning sickness faster than yesterday and he was very thankful for that. Maybe they could find some kind of balance in all this sooner than he had feared.

Tomorrow they should pay another visit to the market to refill their supplies - and he was absolutely not thinking about getting a litter box for Liho - and as long as the weather was still that warm, they should get to the beach as often as possible. Especially after his encounters here years ago, Clint knew too well about the healing sensation of the ocean breeze while the sun warmed your face. They needed every small massage for they soul they could get right now, before things would become either really ugly or their lives would be turned upside down.

Without much surprise he heard the quiet scratching of claws behind him after a while which obviously meant, Liho had smelled sugar, chocolate and warm milk and was trying to re-climb that chair to jump on the counter. He pretended to not realize for the moment to not scare her off and rather kept an eye out for Natasha to intervene. He rather not wanted the furball anywhere near a hot plate.

[study_in_scarlet]

After Clint left the room Natasha crouched down and peered under the bed. In the shadows she could only see a pair of yellow eyes staring back. “You just enjoy your breakfast and we’ll go do the same,” she said, having no doubt that the kitten would do just that before coming out in hopes of enjoying theirs with them as well.

Joining Clint in the kitchen, Natasha seated herself on one side of the counter, making sure to stay out of his way. She thought of offering to help but she had done enough standing for a while and just needed to sit, and she knew Clint would only wave her off to do just that if he had any inkling that she was pushing herself. Besides, he really did make amazing pancakes and she would probably only screw it up if she got involved.

When their little guest finally made an appearance Natasha kept still but just hummed softly. She didn’t want to grab Liho and risk getting scratched but didn’t want to scare her away either, so she made no sudden movements, just let the kitten know she was there, and try to seem as inviting as possible as she reached her hand down and wiggled her fingers.

[farmboyhawk]

Clint didn't think he would get tired anytime soon of how Natasha looked when she was spending time with little one. Her cheeks had their color back, that much he could see from the corner of his eyes easily, and with her hair in that certain style, her body just a little more rounded than usual... He had never seen her that young looking, and - except for these days of pain and fear - certainly not that relaxed.

He wondered if she was aware just how loving and affectionate she smiled down at their little visitor. For a moment he could see it clearly with his inner eye, how she held a small little bundle of human in her arms instead, how happy she would be... Though the scare that thought brought had let off a little, he didn't dwell in that picture too long. Looking forward to things that weren't completely certain was too dangerous.

But he did feel very much like kissing that soft rosy shine of her skin and her lips right now. He didn't want to disturb her or startle the kitten, so he just waited and went on getting their food done.

Reservation seemed to be the right way. Soon enough Liho angled for Natasha's hand playfully and purred a little, forgotten the plan of jumping on the counter for the moment. It was more and more clear that little one had taken a deep liking to her temporary owner.

With a probably completely dumb smile on his lips, Clint got the first of their pancakes out on a plate and decorated it with a little extra chocolate for Natasha to enjoy before starting on the second. He gave Liho two seconds before she would try to join him on the counter after all.

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha was so focused on trying not to scare Liho off that she didn’t even notice Clint watching her. He was being very inconspicuous about it but usually she could tell anyhow, but not today.

When Liho finally came around and brushed along Natasha’s outstretched fingers, Natasha’s smile brightened. Sliding carefully off the counter, she somehow managed to angle it that she could continue to rub the kitten with one foot while leaning over to give Clint a quick peck on the cheek as she took the plate. Instead of moving to the table she settled cross legged on the floor, her plate held high so the kitten couldn’t get into it.

“I bet you’ve never had pancakes,” she said as Liho climbed up onto her knee and batted at the plate. “You don’t know what you’re missing. Clint makes the best I’ve ever had.” Cutting off a bit she popped it into her mouth before breaking a small crumb off with her fingers and holding it down for Liho.

[farmboyhawk]

"Well, at least she likes my cooking. That's a start, right?"

Clint watched the kitten lick off her treat of Natasha's finger with a chuckle. Her unusual choice of seating had confused for a moment, but it was definitely a good idea in terms of bonding further with little one. If Natasha could keep her plate out of reach, that was. Watching the two of them eat certainly got him more hungry, and he might or not steal a few drops of that chocolate sauce while his pancake was cooking.

Finally he could join the rest of his little gang on the floor though, plate and fork in one hand and the pill he had gotten out the kitty bag in the meantime in the other.

"Maybe we should try it with chocolate today?", he mused, rolling the small white thing between his fingers.

He wasn't looking forward to be the evil stepparent again who only came with the bad stuff whenever he touched little one, but he just wasn't comfortable with the idea of her scratching Natasha. His hand still hurt from the one fine cut he hadn't bothered to disinfect last time. Of course it was ridiculous, they had both been far worse hurt, but given Natasha's condition right now... He just didn't want to take any risks.

[study_in_scarlet]

“Clearly she has good taste,” Natasha said, taking up her fork again and cutting off another bite for herself. Whenever Liho tried to reach for the plate she moved it away or tapped the kitten’s paw, but if Liho sat and didn’t try to steal any she was rewarded with a bit of pancake in an effort to teach the little thing some manners.

Smiling warmly at Clint when he joined them on the floor, not once questioning her choice of seating, Natasha nodded at the suggestion. “Do you want to eat first then take care of it?” She would be done her own food before him for once, only because she’d had a considerable head start, and she was considering if she could slip the pill to Liho without the kitten even noticing having been doing so through breakfast so far. “Or I could give it a try.”

[farmboyhawk]

Clint spared himself an immediate answer with a first bite of his pancake, which of course was still too hot and burned his tongue, but he kept eating anyway, just sucking in a short breath.

Ten minutes later and he was again in a situation where he had to be careful what to say. He knew he was only creating this problem himself and eventually he would find a balance with this whole worry thing. But especially in these two weeks now when even normal pregnancies often still were at stake, he rather had one eye too much on Natasha than getting careless.

If she got herself too worked up over him, it wouldn't be better for her, though. Oh well. He could always insist, she disinfected her hands if Liho didn't behave.

"Maybe she likes it more from you", he mumbled between two bites, showing no sign of the short inner struggle he had just had.

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha could sense Clint’s inner struggle, and she couldn’t exactly blame him. She had already been scratched once by Liho, something that she had failed to divulge to him not because she was deliberately hiding it but because it had been during their breakdown of communication, and she’d had so much else to think about that she’d completely forgotten the incident only minutes after it had happened.

She just had to remind herself that this wasn’t all about her. This was her body, her burden, but she hadn’t made it alone nor did she have to do this on her own. Clint was just as invested in this child as she was, and as much as he had worried about her in the past now he had both her and the baby to worry about. It must be driving him crazy.

She let him think it over and when he decided to let her try she gave him an appreciative look. He was trying; it was going to be a long few months but he was trying, and if for no other reason she had to give him the same.

“I won’t force her,” Natasha assured him, reaching out to take the pill. “I will try to coax her, and if that doesn’t work then she’s all yours.” Give and take, that’s what a true, functioning relationship was about.

Leaving just one tiny bite on her plate Natasha worked the pill into it and molded the pancake around it before swiping up a bit of chocolate sauce as well and holding it down for Liho to take just as she had all the other bites. Clint was better at being direct, but Natasha’s strength had always been in deception.

[farmboyhawk]

Clint temporarily forgot about the rest of his pancake, watching the scene with big eyes. Natasha had a really impressive way of handling their little ward. He should try and learn a little from her here.

Liho seemed completely unsuspicious about the little trick at first and ate the little dollop of food from Natasha's finger in no time. Only then she began to chew it harder and with more strain than the smaller bites before. Shortly it looked like she would just drop it.

Following pure instinct, Clint dipped his finger in the big splash of chocolate on his plate and held it out to little one, and that fortunately seemed enough of a temptation. Now she hurried to swallow and then started to lick his fingertip eagerly.

"Such a good girl."

Clint smiled at her and then at Natasha, shrugging a little. It was stupid, really... But it made him happy when they made progress, it really did.

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha felt a little guilty for tricking Liho like that, but it had to be done and it was easier on all of them this way than force feeding her the pill. For a moment it seemed like it would all be for naught, though, before Clint’s quick thinking saved it in the end. Watching the little kitten lick the chocolate from his finger, Natasha raised her eyes to his and returned his smile.

“Teamwork,” she said. She could see how pleased he was with the little bit of progress, and she certainly didn’t think it was stupid at all. Setting her plate aside she leaned forward to kiss him softly, tasting chocolate on his lips.

They always had been better together, after a bit of a rough patch in the beginning, of course. She had no doubt that they would get through this, that they would be okay, no matter what happened. “Finish up. Since you cooked I’ll clean.”

[farmboyhawk]

"Aye, Ma'am."

In all honesty, Clint already felt full after half a plate, a remaining sign of his body and soul reacting to the uncertain situation and all the changes they were facing. But he didn't want Natasha to worry, so he finished his helping, wisely keeping the plate out of reach now, no matter how cute Liho looked up at him, obviously waiting for more.

"You've had enough for now, furball", he mumbled over the last bite, but obviously he was still a big sap because once he was done, he reached out his hand again for Liho to lick the rest of sugar and chocolate off his fingertips.

"Definitely more than enough", he added with a grumble after he had handed that plate to Natasha as requested.

Getting to his feet, he lured the kitten next door so Natasha could work in peace. Liho came surprisingly easy when he ringed that little ball she liked between his fingertips.

"Yep, that's right. Workout time, Missy. Can't let you get too lazy. Still a rough world out there, you know."

Clint held the ball right over Liho's head, just high enough so she had to stretch for it, and snatched it away from her paws a few times to keep her busy, then he rolled it in a corner, and little one followed like a bolt. If she was half as eager hunting mice, eventually she'd hopefully be able to survive without raiding their kitchen.

[study_in_scarlet]

Really, there wasn’t much to cleaning up with the dishwasher there, but Natasha took her time rinsing dishes, wiping up any spilled flour, and putting all the ingredients back where they belonged. First, though, she made sure to fill the kettle and put it on to boil while she worked.

In the meantime Clint amused himself by playing with Liho, and Natasha was pleased to see that the kitten seemed to have forgiven him for the trip to the vet the other day. He had tried to play it off, but she knew he had been bothered by the idea of the kitten not liking him, and with everything else going on he could have used the comfort of a little extra love.

There was still room in the dishwasher so she didn’t start it up after it was loaded, and after wiping down the counters she moved to watch the two playing in the living room. “Would you like some tea?” she asked, not wanting to interrupt but the kettle had started whistling. She knew tea wasn’t really his thing, but she tried every once in a while nonetheless.

[farmboyhawk]

"Would be more solid than drinking water all the time, huh?"

Clint looked up, sighing under his breath, and threw that little fur mouse for Liho he had found in the sofa corner next.

Immediately the ball was forgotten and the kitten got in a brave fight against her little prey, rolling on the floor and more often chasing her own tail than the toy. He obviously didn't need to worry about workout for little one.

He should rather get his own lazy ass to do a few rounds of running, but sitting around and not moving was so much more convenient right now. He didn't need the fitness gurus over at headquarters to know, he was running low on energy. But he didn't really want to force his stomach, as long as it was obviously still coping with the idea that he could be a father soon. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, at least hoarding a little nutrition from drinks.

"Guess I'll give it a shot."

He smiled up at Natasha, a little embarrassed, and gave himself a push to at least get up and get that ball back from where Liho had dropped it, to work it between his fingertips again.

Immediately the kitten looked up, obviously torn if she should keep on killing her little prey or go back to the tingling and rolling fancy stuff. She ended up with the mouse hopelessly caught between her claws when she wanted to hurry over to him and fell on her side with little grace, just to immediately attack the mouse again with all four paws and her teeth.

Clint caught himself laughing, and that sound had become rare in the last days. He didn't want to admit it openly yet, but maybe that decision for little one had been a very good one after all.

[study_in_scarlet]

“Well, I don’t know about ‘solid’, but it would offer more variety,” she replied.  She had picked up several different kinds at the market to try, some of them herbal so without the caffeine they should be as good as drinking water.

Looking down at Liho as the kitten started attacking the little toy mouse, Natasha grinned broadly at the fairly spasmodic show.  She had been worried about the little one that first day, seeing how tiny and weak she seemed, but a vet visit, some medication and some good food later and she certainly seemed to have gained some energy.

Turning her attention back to Clint when he spoke Natasha nodded and returned to the kitchen.  Selecting the peppermint tea since it would be easiest on both their stomachs and a good alternative to water, she poured the boiling water over it to leave it to steep.

That was when she heard Clint laughing.

It was a sound that used to be so commonplace, and she hadn’t realised how much she had missed it the past few days until that moment.  Leaving the tea momentarily forgotten, she peeked back out to find him laughing as Liho continued to viciously attack her toy.

Just seeing him so carefree in that moment she soon found herself laughing with him.

[farmboyhawk]

The sound of Natasha's laugh was always something to touch Clint's heart deeply, and especially when it had become rare, he soaked in every second, every nuance to memorize. He turned his head to her, still smiling widely and reached for her hand, pulling it close for a kiss, letting her know everything he didn't need to say, not all the time, not when they were just having a happy moment.

If Liho realized that their temporary owners were laughing at her still rather undeveloped hunting skills, she didn't seem to mind. She finally got her claws out of the rough toy fabric and got to her feet, her prey proudly in her little mouth, and carried it over to Natasha, looking up at her as if she expected some kind of praise. Which definitely topped the cute performance a second ago.

"You just wait, in no time she brings you real birds and rats", Clint chuckled.

[study_in_scarlet]

That simple kiss on her hand told her all she needed to know and she replied by squeezing his fingers and moving closer to brush her shoulder against his.  No matter what they would always have each other, and as long as they could still laugh together then they could make it through anything.

Watching Liho present her trophy, Natasha couldn’t help but crouch down and scratch the little one on the top of her head.  Part of her wanted to discourage the behaviour that Clint pointed out, but she wanted Liho to be able to catch her own prey and feed herself, and if they had to put up with some headless birds on the floor every so often in the meantime, then so be it.  It wasn’t like they both hadn’t seen much worse.

“Such a fierce warrior,” Natasha cooed at the kitten that was enjoying every second of the attention.  Glancing up at Clint she smirked.  “As long as she doesn’t leave them in our bed then I think we’ll get along fine.”

[farmboyhawk]

"Bed room is off limits. And you can be sure I'll close the door from now on, Missy."

Clint wiggled his finger at little one to emphasize his point, without much hope she's really care.

As much fun as it was to spend time with little one, all three of them could use a little sun and fresh air.

"What do you say, let's go outside, red? Just a walk or something? Or did you have anything planned?"

[study_in_scarlet]

It would probably be a good idea to close all the doors and relegate her to just the kitchen and living space, just in case.  Might help to keep her out of trouble too if they removed as much temptation as they could.

Either way it was adorable to see Clint talk to the cat like that.

“A walk sounds nice,” Natasha agreed, straightening back up and heading back to the kitchen for their tea.  “And how about the beach later?”

Sick or no, the weather would turn soon enough and she didn’t want to waste the time they had to just relax in the sun, swim in the warm water, and simply enjoy themselves out in the open.

[farmboyhawk]

"You'll never hear me say no to the beach."

Clint tore himself away from playing with little one reluctantly and shooed her out of the door, not without the promise that she could come back later, though. They still had to keep her fed and all, after all.

"Want my cappy again? You looked cute with it", he grinned at Natasha when he quickly pulled out a new shirt from his drawer and spotted said piece of clothing on top of it.

Aside from looking cute, it would help her protect herself from the sun which would be important if she wasn't feeling that well yet.

[study_in_scarlet]

Clint managed to get Liho back outside with little fuss, which probably had to do at least partially to the fact that she was already aware that it was only temporary.

“Cute?” Natasha repeated, scrunching up her nose, well, cutely as she returned to the living room, a mug in each hand. “Not usually a term used to describe me.” Beautiful, sexy, intimidating, even scary, but cute? Only Clint could get away with that one. Still, stopping in front of him she tilted her head forward so he could place the hat on her head.

[farmboyhawk]

"Yep, cute. Sometimes. A little."

Clint placed the cappy on her head and held her face softly between his hands, smiling at her little pout. No, cute wasn't something one would usually associate with the master killer Natasha Romanoff.

But it wasn't the killer he was so deeply in love with. It was the woman, the adorable girl she sometimes could be, the breathtakingly attractive lady with the wild red curls, a perfect dream come true. He loved all these little parts that made her whole, that made her his, and this was a good moment to tell her, he decided. He whispered it against her lips between two kisses, very quietly, as if no one else was allowed to hear it.

"Thanks", he mumbled then, taking the mug from her and taking a few first sips. It actually wasn't half-bad, he found. "Lead the way? I think we can both use a little sun."

[study_in_scarlet]

His touch was so gentle, loving, and Natasha’s expression quickly softened. He looked at her like she was the only woman in the world, like she was everything good and beautiful and important. He made her feel like her life was worth something, for if she could make him happy then... well, that was worth everything.

His words were quiet yet unrestrained, and had she not been holding two mugs of hot tea she would have thrown her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She wanted to blame hormones, but it was probably just as likely that she had never been loved like this before, a love so deep and true that she had a hard time believing it was real some days. Clint knew her, knew the darkest parts of her, yet he could still say words like these and mean every syllable. Maybe some day that fact would cease to amaze her, but not today.

Directly afterwards he relieved her of one of the mugs, leaving one of her hands free. She wanted to touch him everywhere, to tangle fingers in his hair, to squeeze his hand, to trace his lips with her fingertips. Unable to decide she brushed off the idea all together and sipped her tea instead, her eyes watching him as he tried his, searching his face for any indication of what he thought of it.

Turning toward the door she did take his hand then, entwining their fingers together as they stepped out into the morning sun.

[farmboyhawk]

Autumn was happening, this noon they really couldn't deny feeling it anymore. It still was very warm under the high sun, but not unbearable hot. The leaves were starting to run orange and the smell of grape and olive oil harvest was in the air. People were more busy than usual, starting to renovate their houses for winter or do their own little harvest in their private gardens.

It was a rich, promising smell of work and crop which reminded Clint of his very first, long left behind home, as it happened so often these days. He found, surprised, that he began putting up with these kind of memories instead of locking them away immediately, like he had done it for decades. He let the hurt and bitterness pass and concentrated on the few good things this smell thought, accepting them as part of his past just like the other happy times he had had.

It was the harder way, maybe, the one he had to feel and deal with more, but in the long run maybe it was better to live a life with a little weight on his shoulders than always pretending. And spending his nights more screaming and crying than finding strength for a new day.

His tea was nearly finished, he realized in another moment of surprise, when he finally tore himself out of melancholy to really recognize, not just see, where they were actually headed. They had gone steadily up, that much he knew, but it had been a harmless, low rise, not one of these inhuman, dangerous stone stairs that connected the levels of the city.

They weren't too far gone, still in the neighborhood, the better one, really, where the houses and gardens were very neat and colorful and the autumn roses spread a nearly numbing breeze.

What had made him wake from his thoughtfulness though was a sound he had come to know very well by now... Quiet meowing, from many kittens, who sounded older than their little ward was.

"Ah. Feeding time at Angelina's."

He nodded at a small white house on the other side of the street, with a completely open garden. In between thick, overgrown bushes they could spot their householder in a group of cats with a huge bucket over her arm, throwing out little pieces of meat and fruit to her crowd. Not a scene he wanted to disturb, for more than one reason.

"Just warning you, she probably won't rest until she knows all about the baby if we go there now."

[study_in_scarlet]

The walk was pleasant, quiet, comfortable, and Natasha found she was feeling much better for it. It was warm but not too warm, the air was fresh and full of wonderful smells, the people busy but friendly. It was easy to see why Clint was so taken with the place, and the more time spent out in it the more she became the same.

Clint seemed to be pretty lost in his thoughts so she left him to them and focused her own mind on everything around them. It was almost like a meditation technique, taking everything in, all the sights, smells and sounds, as well as the general feeling.

By the time Clint roused himself from his thoughts Natasha had done well centering herself, though when he said what he did she felt her nerves flaring up again and her hand moved instinctively to her stomach. A lot of women kept their pregnancies secret for the first trimester for many reasons, and while Natasha wasn’t a superstitious person she couldn’t help but feel like the less they talked about the baby until they passed that point the better.

“Maybe another time?” she replied, hoping that Clint understood. She didn’t want to be rude, didn’t want to snub the woman who had been so kind and helpful, but it was too soon, too unsure. The more they talked about it the more real it became, and if something happened...

It was easier to remain as detached as possible from the whole idea, at least for another couple of weeks.

[farmboyhawk]

"Of course. We have time."

Clint let go off her hand just to wrap his arm around her next and gently lead the way, taking a turn before they could pass or even come in sight of that one certain house. They did have time, as much as they wanted to take it. Since no one had neared the city with a helicopter yet to take them back to the States and Fury even refrained from hacking into their phone lines so far, there was no reason to assume otherwise. They could go for a diner to his neighbor sometime in the next weeks, when they were both feeling a little more certain and up to questions about this whole thing.

He pressed his lips to Natasha's temple for a moment, trying to soothe that sudden tension in her body, and smiled a little against her skin.

"You smell like peppermint."