study_in_scarlet | Dancing in the Dark (for farmboyhawk)

They didn’t get a lot of time off together, at least not enough to make a trip away worthwhile, so for this one weekend they decided to stay in the city and play tourist for the day.

They had started with a walk through Central Park before grabbing an early lunch at one of the city’s many street vendors and then wandering through the American Museum of Natural history. Natasha found the Hall of Minerals fascinating while Clint had gotten a kick out of all the dinosaur bones. They both enjoyed laying under the big blue whale with all the normal people.

Afterwards they went to a nice restaurant for supper, blending into the crowd of normal couples as best they could and Natasha actually forgot if she was playing a role or being herself as they finished their wine and shared their desserts.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely as they left the restaurant, stepping back into the cool night air. Nearby a busker played guitar and sang with surprising melody and soul, barely seeming to notice as people threw change into his open case, so caught up was he in his music. 

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She knew he meant it, and she knew that if she wanted to he would be satisfied to leave their encounter at that, and it was partly because of that selflessness that made her want to give him that last little push over the edge.

“It’s not that difficult,” she teased, though it wasn’t far from the truth. It didn’t take much to get his blood pumping, even after all these years, and he was definitely in a bad way right now, she could hear it in his very breath.

Laughing lightly when he couldn’t resist burying his face in her chest and giving her a little nip, she rested her hands back on his shoulders when he lowered her down his body until the proof of what she already knew pressed hard against her belly. She wasn’t sure what to make of his nervous laughter so she just kissed him slowly for a moment, trying to set him at ease. “I’ll be right back,” she whispered against his lips, pulling back to give him a wicked smile before taking a deep breath and ducking under the water.

Wasting no time, she pulled at the band of his shorts again to release his straining cock. Working him expertly with her hand near the base, she pressed her lips to his very tip before carefully taking the head into her mouth, her tongue gliding over her, tasting salt.

"That's because I'm crazy for you, red."

In spite of the rough, slightly distracted nature of his voice, Clint's answer to her teasing was completely sincere. Nothing but the truth here and before Natasha pulled back to make her promise come true, he was already close to getting lost in just her kiss again. Whether it was the amount of leisure time or the conversations they had had in the last days... It felt like they had never been closer. If he was to just hold Natasha in his arms for the rest of his days, he would die a happy man.

That didn't mean he was any less hot for her, though. With her mischievous grin pretty much the rest of blood in his body went straight downwards. Yep, she would be killing him again, and he would gladly submit.

There was no way people would miss what was going on between them by now, he thought, when Natasha suddenly vanished before he even felt remotely ready... But when his eyes nervously darted to the beach again, the guys there were still busy sunbathing and playing with their kids.

And then he forgot about audience and momentarily even of Natasha's health issues completely, because fuck, she was really pulling through with this. It was the second time within a few minutes, his legs nearly gave in. Natasha's skillful mouth was always a deadly to his overactive libido, but today, in this crazy environment... He couldn't think of a matching analogy. It was all kinds of hot, thousands of flashes going straight to his groin, carried on skin already sensitive from the salt water when it was worked so expertly.

That there was no way to direct her movements in any way underwater - not that he succumbed to that temptation often anyway - just made it more intensive. His nerve endings felt raw and open for every bit of stimulation she was giving him. His hand came to rest on her shoulder, without any pressure, only searching for support, contact, while he steadied his body against the tide with the other arm. They were close enough to one of the buoys now, he found relieved, which didn't only provide a rope to hold on to when Natasha's administrations would shake him even more. It also gave casual watchers a good excuse of him just trying to catch his breath out here.

Which wasn't exactly untrue.

He was kind of relieved, she wouldn't hear him that well underwater, because the sounds from his lips had gone from quiet moans to shameless groans of pleasure and her name thrown into it more than once. But she had to feel the hot pulse in his hardness from how fucking close he really was, his steadily working thigh muscles trembling where she touched him... And God, he really hoped she wasn't putting on too much strain on herself for him, because right now he was definitely too caught up to check on that.

She could feel him getting close; could feel the tension under her fingers, the throbbing against her lips, but it wasn’t quite enough and she was running out of air. Of course she could stop, she could resurface and finish with her hand, but she had been so boastful that now she was determined to get him off in one breath, not that he would complain if she didn’t. When it came to her, and especially to their sex life, Clint rarely complained.

Stroking him faster, this time when she drew her lips back along his length she let her teeth scrap along him as well.

Clint wasn't exactly sure when in these fucking intense last seconds he had moved them a few inches backwards to that one buoy, to hold on to the strong, thick rope underwater and take some strain off his legs. But it was definitely entirely to blame on Natasha's skills.

His skin all but glowed from the sun burning down on them and the arousal humming through his cells. Salt water slightly blurred his sight until he allowed himself to close his eyes, hoping that they would be lucky with their audience for a few minutes longer. It was only a moment later that Natasha decided to up her game even more, the most delicious of adrenaline running through his veins, from already oversensitive spots coming in contact with the careful, teasing graze of her teeth...

And finally all that tension from that whole teasing all day sprang free, a heat wave spreading from his lower back, a hard shudder down his legs that she would hopefully feel enough to know the silent warning, and he just surrendered. He found himself half leaning against that rope, with his head leaned back against the water surface as if just to enjoy the sun on his face while he groaned out his orgasm as quietly as possible. God, that woman was definitely crazy...

She felt his body tense, that familiar shudder running through him, and quickly removed her lips from around him before he came. Keeping her hand around him, she continued to stroke his shaft through his release at a much more leisurely pace, her other hand grabbing his arm as her head broke the surface.

Taking in some much needed breath, her own heart pounding from the exertion, she wiped the water from her eyes and slicked her hair back from her face with one hand and took a look around them before grinning triumphantly at Clint.

“Okay, now you can call me unbelievable,” she said with a smirk.

"I don't think that word quite covers", Clint finally managed to say when he wasn't seeing stars anymore.

With the arm not propped on that underwater rope behind them, he pulled Natasha close again to bury his face against her neck and keep them both afloat, give her a moment to recover. She looked like she needed it, and for a moment his conscience wanted to complain for letting her strain herself like that... Then he remembered, he was supposed to not worry that much about her and swallowed whatever he had been about to say.

Instead he let her know with soft, small kisses, still interrupted by heavy, fast breathing, how much he had enjoyed that and that he never took it for granted, how much she was giving herself to him.

A quick glance back to the beach and the people enjoying their quiet, peaceful afternoon there had him chuckle and shake his head half amused, half resigned.

"Guess I kind of bombed your relaxed afternoon at the beach."

Natasha chuckled at his reply, and gladly let him pull her close again. Rearranging his shorts back into place, she slipped one arm around his back and rested her other hand on his shoulder, her feet kicking slowly in the water to help steady them. She relished in his kisses, and maybe more so in the lingering proof of just how good she had just made him feel as she closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I don’t know about that,” she replied. “I’m feeling pretty relaxed right now.” If they went back to the beach and laid down in the sun again she would probably need him to roll her every so often to make sure she tanned evenly, because she was pretty sure she would fall asleep. “I do believe you still owe me an ice cream, though.” Pulling back just enough to look at him, she gave Clint a warm smile before kissing him softly, her own way of thanking him for today.

"On it, Ma'am."

Clint mock-saluted her and quickly stole another kiss before letting go off her to swim back to the beach.

"Want to wait a minute maybe?" Not likely that they'd fool anyone with returning separately if someone had been watching but it was worth a shot. "I'll have your desert ready in the meantime."

He was still feeling a little off but getting his body into action helped as usual, and by the time he waded through the shallow water back to their spot, he was at least kind of orientated again. Just as hoped, that little ice and beverage stand near to their parking space was offering the Island specialty that Clint really wanted Natasha to try. Ice cream was great and he died for a big bowl of everything every other night when he lived here.

But for freshing up on the beach during hot days, there was nothing better than a cup of granita. He wasn't sure which flavor she would prefer, so he brought a bowl of lemon, one of strawberry and one of mandarin orange, confident that they would have no problem emptying them all together. The semi frozen structure wasn't much of a stomach filler, really.

The seller looked at him a little funny when he made his order, though, and Clint made a mental note to go on a little longer run tomorrow to deal with the extra calories. Holiday or not, getting out of shape wasn't a good idea. At least balancing the cups back to the beach still was a piece of cake for someone who had trained juggling before he had been able to read and write.

"Your choice, red."

He sat down in front of Natasha on her towel this time instead of his own, longing to be close to her, and sat the bowls between them, grinning.

Natasha laughed at Clint’s attempt at being inconspicuous, but she humoured him and watched him from the buoys while he swam back to shore. His strokes were a little uneven at first but he recovered quick enough and was no worse for wear by the time he had his feet under him again.

Alone once more, she dove deep into the clear, warm water, using strong, smooth kicks to propel her toward shallower water before finally surfacing again. Making her way back to their towels, she didn’t bother to dry off, just sat cross legged on her own towel and let the sun dry the water droplets from her skin. She felt refreshed, albeit still a little tired, but definitely better than yesterday. Maybe it was just a bug made worse by fatigue and travel and she was finally getting over it. All that really mattered was that right now she felt good, and it was about time she really got to enjoy this vacation.

Slipping her sunglasses back over her eyes, Natasha smiled when Clint returned with three cups in hand and took a seat across from her. “Are we having company?” she asked, surveying her choices before selecting the orange one.

"Just wanted to make sure, there's something you'll like."

Clint felt himself blushing immediately and was glad, his skin still being heated from that very special workout covered that. He reached Natasha one of the plastic spoons he had brought along and dedicated himself fully to his lemon granita then. Yep, definitely, for that alone the travel had been completely worth it.

He noticed a movement from the corner of his eye and smiled when he spotted the boy from before, busy with his ball again. Just like before, his mother wasn't paying any attention to him, fully busy with her two baby girls. The kid was all on his own, training that throwing and clapping thing Clint had shown him. Unfortunately right on top of the very same rocks close to them, where Natasha and Clint had had their little run yesterday.

"If the kid slips and breaks his stupid neck on the rocks, it's my fault", he grumbled, only half serious. And that was why he usually kept away from minors. Somehow he always made it to fuck up.

Natasha’s smile softened, and she brushed her fingers tenderly over his hand as she took the spoon from him. Taking a bite of the ice cream, she closed her eyes and sighed. “Mm, that’s good,” she praised, letting it melt slowly on her tongue. Clint was already distracted, though, and when she opened her eyes she found him watching the boy from earlier practicing on a not so safe area of the beach.

“Do you want to go talk to him?” she offered, because she knew if something did happen to the kid Clint would definitely blame himself, and he was already blaming himself for things he didn’t have any control over. She would rather he not add anything more to that list. “I promise I won’t eat all of the ice cream while you’re gone.”

"No, it's good I guess, I..."

Clint forced himself to look away and concentrate on his desert again. He was doing it again, overthinking, overly worrying over things that weren't even in his immediate sphere. If he wanted to find his focus back, it was the little things that had to count. The lad was cute but it was a stranger's kid that he would probably never see again. He couldn't burden himself with the worries of the whole world and everyone around him. There had been a time when he had known that, and somehow he had to find back to that distance. Or he would never function right anymore in the moments, on the missions when it really counted, when he was really needed.

"Learning to let go or something", he murmured, more to himself, and lifted the cup to his mouth then to slurp the already melted part out of it.

But because he was still stumbling on that way back to professionalism and probably a big sap on top of it, he shortly turned to the boy at least to shout something about being careful at him. And was a little more relieved than he should be when the kid came down from the stupid rocks promptly and waved at them cheerfully.

"Still learning, I guess."

Sighing, Clint reached out with his spoon to steal a little from Natasha's cup, teasing her and taking his mind off things.

Natasha kept her expression neutral as she watched Clint ruminate over the situation. She was there to help him and support him, but some things he had to do on his own. She couldn’t change his mind for him, couldn’t make him think or feel things; he had to come to terms with everything that had changed for him and either work on changing it back, or figure out how to adapt to it and move forward.

Continuing to eat her ice cream, she gave him all the time in the world, completely uninterrupted, to think, smiling when he settled on yelling a warning to the kid. Thankfully the boy heeded the suggestion and jumped down on the the more solid and safe sand.

“We’re all still learning. Every day,” she said. Playfully poking at his hand with her spoon when he stole a bit from her dish, she impulsively leaned forward and stole a kiss in turn, tasting the lemon on his tongue. “Mmm, that one is good too,” she said, pulling back and licking her lips.

Clint meant to argue for a moment, point out that Natasha always seemed perfectly balanced in everything she was doing. But then he remembered the night before, the morning especially, and kept silent. They all had their scars and traumas, Natasha most of them of all people he knew, and they all struggled to deal with them. In a way it was comforting to know, he wasn't the only one feeling lost sometimes.

Of course she couldn't let him get away with his teasing, not that he complained. Any excuse for a kiss, really. Or for making her laugh.

"Their lemon stuff is great. Next time we're out at night, real ice cream is on the plan. You won't ever want to go home afterwards. They've got a special lemon growing or something on the island, makes them less sour or something. Yep, I do my research on my food", he added, grinning. "Farmer's kid and all, I guess, some stuff sticks. One day when I'm too old for the field, you'll see me plowing somewhere in Kansas with a bunch of horses and three dogs."

Not that he had been on his home farm for about 35 years or something and he certainly didn't feel the need. But one single positive feeling he did remember about his early childhood... The remoteness of living so close with nature, countless corners to play and find shelter. Peaceful isolation in the middle of a corn field, with the sun shining down a golden light through the corn ears into your hiding place.

"Can hardly remember much except for beer and fists, but sometimes I still dream of this damn farm. The mind's a weird place."

Clint didn’t often talk about his childhood. It wasn’t that he hid it, and if she asked he would probably share, but it had been far from a pleasant time in his life and dredging up the memories wasn’t something he seemed particularly keen on. Every once in a while, though, he would broach the subject himself, and Natasha always listened with interest. She wanted to know everything about him, but it always meant so much more when he offered the information without prompting, trusting her with it because he wanted to, not because she did.

“Amidst all the bad memories there are always a few good ones, and those are the ones to hold onto,” she said, touching his knee lightly. She liked to picture it sometimes, Clint hard at work in a field, the sun shining on his tanned and sweat-slicked skin, his muscles rippling as he worked, an that look of peace on his face that she imagined he would have if all the rest of the world melted away. No S.H.I.E.L.D., no Loki, just the earth and the sun and the task at hand. Sometimes she thought he would be perfectly happy like that and wondered why he didn’t leave to pursue it.

Sometimes she was pretty sure it was her holding him back.

Finishing her ice cream, Natasha set the cup aside and stole a small taste of the third cup that remained between them, her expression betraying nothing that was running through her mind. If it was her, if he stayed to be with her, if that was the truth... would she do anything about it? Could she give up the adrenaline rush, give up everything she had ever known and was good at, to live a simple life? Could she do that for him?

“You may be right. I am beginning to think that nothing here tastes bad,” she said. “I’ll be so spoiled by the end of the week I may never want to leave.”

"Two months in, you'd probably hire with local police to not go crazy", Clint answered dryly, just a twitch around the corner of his mouth remaining of the grin before.

Natasha fell a little too serious for his taste and he already gave himself a mental slap for bringing up the wrong subject. It was small signs only, the way she fled into starting on their third granita instead of looking at him, a few too long moments between her sentences. It wasn't always as easy, but most of the time, he knew how to read Natasha by now.

He answered her touch with his own fingertips teasing the insides of her knee and thigh and got himself a taste of their strawberry cup too, spoons dueling playfully while he pondered if pressing the subject was a good or bad idea. Swallowing everything, keeping things for himself, though, that he had done long enough and it hadn't exactly ended well. Even if they were just fooling around with dreams of another life, he wanted to be honest with Natasha.

"We're both a little to young for retirement, I guess. But I'm thinking, we should take breaks like this regularly. Doesn't have to be a farm in the middle of nowhere, but... you know. Getting away from everything S.H.I.E.L.D..
Before I was assigned to New Mexico, when Thor first crashed on Earth, I haven't been on holiday for a single week, ever since I started working for Fury. Didn't get much better afterwards. I always felt I'm missing something, that I had to devote my life to the field completely. Maybe we need to take a breath from time to time to keep functioning."

Clint could tell. No matter how well she thought she was hiding her inner thoughts, he could always at least tell that there was more going on under the surface. He knew her far too well by now. So why was she still trying? He was being completely honest with her, yet she still struggled to give him the same. It was something she would definitely have to work on if they were truly going to get past all of this.

She thought about how to broach the subject while they ate, but before she could come up with what to say Clint beat her to it, offering up an option that she definitely could live with, one she could even look forward to. When she looked up to meet his eyes her smile was genuine. “I like that,” she said. “Especially if they’re all like this.”

Part of her issues probably had to do with the fact that she never really believed she would ever retire, not because she would never consider it, but because she didn’t think she would live that long. She was very good at surviving at all costs, but the nature of her work made it far more likely that one day someone would get the better of her before she had chance to give it all up herself. “A way of easing into it.” And maybe that was exactly what she needed. If she lived only to work then eventually it would end, but if there was something outside of that, a future to look forward to, maybe she would make it. Less chance of making a mistake if they weren’t constantly running themselves into the ground.

"Exactly."

Natasha's smile only added to this very positive prospect of a future, that not too long ago he hadn't even thought he would have. Not the way he wanted to live his life, with giving as much as he could for the good of the people... and out of it, chasing that little part of happiness people like them could have.

They wouldn't always do it together, couldn't and shouldn't, it simply wasn't healthy, but knowing he could always come back to her for afternoons, days, weeks like this, lifted a lot of weight from his shoulders.

He leaned over to kiss that beautiful smile on her lips and softly suck the rest of strawberry stuff off them at the same time. When he backed away, that teasing little note had crept back into his grin.

"Though I have to say, you would make a ravishing farmer wife. Breeding horses, lifting hey bales, heavy sweating all day... And in the evening I'll sing us some Eagles and John Denver on the porch..."

They would probably never have a normal life, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t inject some normalcy into it. They could go on vacations, they could lay on the beach, and apparently they could even unofficially adopt stray pets. Those were all things normal people did, and it was about time they gave it a try.

So far, Natasha was very much enjoying it.

She could still taste the lemon on his lips, now mixed with strawberry and the lingering orange on her own tongue. It tasted wonderful, and she was still smiling when he pulled back, though her eyebrows slowly raised at his teasing words.

“If we wear ourselves out working hard all day that may be all we’re good for in the evenings,” she gave it right back. Honestly, she loved to hear him sing, though she usually only heard it when she caught him unawares like back at the house

"Oh, I don't know. Don't underestimate my ability to keep you awake through hours of silly action movies."

Clint raised one eyebrow in mock challenge and licked his lips slowly, savoring the mixed flavor of the two of them together. Yep, he definitely could get used to afternoons like this for a little while.

There was exactly one spoonful left in that cup when he reached into it next time, and he held it playfully between them, teasing Natasha to be faster than him. It was of course completely by accident that his hand was slightly heeling and a few drops of the melted sugary stuff dropped on Natasha's knee...

“That is something I will never do,” she replied, shaking her head slightly. Even during the most boring movies Clint found various ways to keep her entertained.

Watching him dish up the last spoonful and hold it between them, Natasha raised one eyebrow at him. This could end badly if they both went for it, but she had a feeling he had something else in mind, a theory that panned out when he tipped the spoon a little, letting some of the melted dessert drip onto her leg. In the blink of an eye her hand shot out to catch his wrist, so quick yet somehow not tipping the spoon. Holding his gaze, she slowly moved his hand a little closer, before deliberately spilling just a little more of the strawberry dessert onto her skin.

Always the gentleman, Clint of course left that last spoonful for Natasha. He tickled her lower lip shortly with the edge of the spoon before he gave in and carefully fed her the rest of their desert.

As soon as that spoon was empty though, he bent down to her leg and ran his tongue playfully over her skin, thoroughly cleaning up every little drop he had spilled.

"Perfect taste. We need to do this more often."

With a big grin on his face, he straightened back up and licked his lips again provocatively.

Of course Clint let her have the last mouthful, though there was plenty left on her leg to make up for it, and he very dutifully cleaned up every last drop. Barely holding back her grin, she threaded her fingers together behind his neck and leaned in a little closer.

“Maybe we should pick up some for tonight...” she suggested. It was more a tease than an actual suggestion, though if Clint wanted to cover her in sweets and lick every inch of her body clean then she certainly wasn’t going to say no. Drawing her lower lip between her teeth, she let the rather delicious image linger in her mind.

"I'll keep it in mind."

The wolfish expression on Clint's face let Natasha know, he definitely filed that idea for some time in the near future.

For now he was feeling full and lazy though. After another quick kiss on that sinfully seductive thing she did with her lips, he set the empty cups aside and laid back on his towel with a heavy sigh.

"Just wake me up before they roll me back to the sea, okay?"

He patted that certain little softness of his belly and barely hid a yawn behind his other hand. Reading one or two chapters to get his mind away from certain night activities would have been nice now. But he'd probably drop halfway through the first page and end up with the shape of the cover tanned onto his face.

Letting Clint return to his towel, she straightened hers out and brushed some of the sand off of it before stretching out her legs. “I would hope that if anyone started trying to roll you away you would wake up anyhow,” she said, poking him playfully in the belly. “But don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

Leaning away to search through her beach bag, Natasha came up with one of the books she had picked up at the market. It was already battered and well worn so she was able to hold it open easily with one hand. Laying down on her side facing Clint, she propped her head up with her other hand and flipped to the first page expertly with her thumb. Peering over the book at Clint’s face, she studied him a moment, the way his long lashes just brushed upon his cheeks. Impulsively, when she began to read she did so aloud.

“The unicorn lived in a lilac wood, and she lived all alone...”

((Excerpt from The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle))

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Natasha Romanoff | The Black Widow

September 2020

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