Dancing in the Dark (for [personal profile] farmboyhawk)

Aug. 11th, 2013 07:32 pm[personal profile] study_in_scarlet
study_in_scarlet: (Default)
They didn’t get a lot of time off together, at least not enough to make a trip away worthwhile, so for this one weekend they decided to stay in the city and play tourist for the day.

They had started with a walk through Central Park before grabbing an early lunch at one of the city’s many street vendors and then wandering through the American Museum of Natural history. Natasha found the Hall of Minerals fascinating while Clint had gotten a kick out of all the dinosaur bones. They both enjoyed laying under the big blue whale with all the normal people.

Afterwards they went to a nice restaurant for supper, blending into the crowd of normal couples as best they could and Natasha actually forgot if she was playing a role or being herself as they finished their wine and shared their desserts.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely as they left the restaurant, stepping back into the cool night air. Nearby a busker played guitar and sang with surprising melody and soul, barely seeming to notice as people threw change into his open case, so caught up was he in his music.


Date: 2014-02-11 04:59 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Hansel laugh)
"Me? Not at all. I thought we had just agreed that it's your job to seduce me."

Grinning widely, Clint pulled his hand back to wrap his arm around her completely harmless again. Not that he would stand the least chance in resisting this woman, but sometimes he couldn't help tease her a little.

"We should probably be reasonable and go to sleep. Long day ahead and all."

Date: 2014-02-12 06:06 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron smiling down)
"True. I'm afraid, you'll have to let me get up for that. We'll work that seducing part afterwards."

Clint sighed a little heavier and more reluctantly than necessary and let go off Natasha just as reluctantly. Emptying the washer-dryer and throwing a few things into a suitcase wouldn't take much time, and in the meantime Natasha could get more comfortable in his bed- definitely something to look forward to upon his return...

Date: 2014-02-14 01:58 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Hansel laugh)
"What, you mean I can't bring my playstation and and the purple underwear?"

Sighing and chuckling at the same time, Clint shoved himself off the sofa to head for the bathroom. Watching Natasha handle the dishes had him both smiling and shaking his head in amusement. They were kind of getting used to that domestic thing, it seemed.
Edited Date: 2014-02-14 01:59 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-02-15 08:34 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron smiling down)
"I'll take your word for it."

Clint winked at her and headed for the bedroom, amused. Maybe he'd actually pack one or two things like that, just to make her laugh, and though they had never made it to the adult store today... He might have one or two toys to take along somewhere in his closet too.

Just finished and closing his suitcase when Natasha returned, Clint looked up and watched her with a soft smile. That she brought the flowers in here, that she wanted to look at them for a while longer, kept that small warm spark in his heart alive, that might be a little kitsch but was mostly love and happiness. He stayed in his kneeling position for a moment and tried to come up with something witty but got lost in watching her instead. Trying to comprehend that feeling without looking too much like an idiot.

Just one day left until they could escape from everything for a while. Still sounded surreal.

He had already prepared the bed for them and wasted no further time getting out of his pants, leaving just a pair of short tight underwear to sleep in, before he slipped under the cover. Slow enough to let Natasha have a good look at him of course.

Date: 2014-02-15 06:13 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron naked sun)
Clint had felt her hesitate and held back once she laid down beside him, just shortly reached out to caress her arm, press her hand, letting her know, he agreed. Plenty of time tomorrow night when they would have gone through all the bullshit on the way.

"Stay aware please, in case I wake you up again", he muttered, sleepiness seeping through his voice. "Don't want to hurt you by accident."

Date: 2014-02-15 10:34 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (uncomfortable Clint)
Clint felt tired, and the day wasn't even half over.

The meeting with Nick hadn't been half as bad as expected. The fact that in the eyes of his employers, he couldn't leave the country without a babysitter he'd already put up with, after all. And Nick at least wasn't trying to be an ass about it.

The look that Maria had thrown him on the way out, hadn't exactly been harmless. Just as little as those of some other agents they had met. But nothing he wasn't used to.

At least he had full control of his accounts again and didn't make an idiot of himself anymore when he wanted to buy coffee for Natasha and him. And the small duty free bar where they wanted to wait for the next flight was remote enough.

Still it was there when Clint remembered why he hadn't been too happy about the flight route. It was ridiculous how much it should not bother him and did anyway. Two hours from here was just a little close for his taste.

He tried to distract himself with surfing on his phone but the thought that S.H.I.E.L.D. was certainly monitoring his history, wasn't making it fun.

He sipped on his still too hot coffee and stared outside at the runways, trying to get lost in the promise of powerful machines to take off to the skies, the way he had once enjoyed it so much. Instead the few jets waiting for their next tour blurred into the shape of a sharp small Falcon on his mind. A machine that he shouldn't miss as much after what he had done with it and experienced in it, and still did.

Unnerved from his own restlessness he finally went to watching the passing people outside which turned out to be the worst of idea of all. Everyone who looked at him for longer than a split second made him nervous. As if it was just a matter of time, until someone would recognize him and call for local police. Knowing that every potential mug shot had long been killed by the network guys, helped only until the next person hurried by, probably scared off by the scowl on his face.

"Great... Add paranoia to the list of your mental evaluation about me", he groaned, frustrated.

Date: 2014-02-16 10:58 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (uncomfortable Clint)
Following that order should be easy enough. Looking at Natasha was one of Clint's favorite hobbies, after all.

Instead he found himself lock his eyes on her hand, and his, after he took it over the distance of the small round table. She was always there, always understanding, that was why he trusted her with this trip... But sometimes he couldn't help but wonder what she really thought when another situation like this happened. He wasn't the man she had got to known and appreciate anymore.

"Sometimes I feel like there's nothing left of me but this. Nothing but fear and anger."

Date: 2014-02-16 04:12 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron smiling down)
Clint could vaguely remember that they had this conversation before... many years ago. Only their places had been reversed back then. No matter how hard Natasha had tried to push him away, convince him that it was useless... He had never stopped believing in her. And she had not disappointed him. He didn't owe her any less than trying the same.

This wasn't the place for deep discussions, so he just pulled her hand close and pressed his lips to her palm.

"I'm trying. I'm not the giving up type, at least that I can say for myself."

Date: 2014-02-16 08:03 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron smiling down)
Clint just nodded, with a weak smile. There probably wasn't a more stubborn person on this whole planet. He couldn't imagine someone having gone through everything Natasha had and still fighting on like that.

If she could do that, it should be more than easy for him to overcome a few days of horror, technically he knew that, but that knowledge didn't help just set his heart right. And he couldn't wait for it to happen. He had to make first steps himself.

"Sometimes wonder if I should visit the guy I took down here", he murmured, turning his sight vaguely into the direction of that one city not far from here. "The one who survived. Don't know if it would make things better or worse for any of us."

Date: 2014-02-17 02:41 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron smiling down)
After pondering about it for a few more seconds, Clint pressed Natasha's hand gently and let go off it then.

"You're probably right. I should really talk about these things more with you."

It wasn't any easier being here now, so close where only the first of many murders had encountered, but at least the weight of being stuck had been lifted off his shoulders. He couldn't take it back, no one ever could. There was only moving on, no matter how much it hurt. That pain probably was a part of this atonement thing too.

Date: 2014-02-17 09:09 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron smiling down)
"Best thing I've heard all day."

Clint took a quick look on his wrist. Boarding wouldn't start before another hour, but he didn't feel much like sitting around here anymore. Getting a little closer in public than one should, had earned them a few glances. Living a spy life, you soon learned to avoid attention. Especially in a place like this.

"Want to take a look around? Or visit the viewing area? Pretty big traffic here, there should be some interesting birds in the air."

Date: 2014-02-18 03:20 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Aaron smiling down)
"Yep, and if we power up the game with the year of construction, I'll actually have a chance of beating you for once", Clint grinned.

It continued the way it had started on the weekend. Just a few minutes after another of these uncomfortable situations, when his throat felt suddenly too tight and his skin started to crawl, they were back to joking. Back to relaxing.

He couldn't remember them ever holding hands like this outside of a job but he certainly didn't mind. From time to time he caressed Natasha's skin softly with his thumb and threw her a smile as they walked, to show her things were okay. That he had found his balance back for the moment.

Being in the middle of a crowd still wasn't his favorite place but then again, it had never been. A few minutes of fresh air on the viewing terrace really sounded nice now.

Still he slowed down for a moment when they passed a quiet, nearly empty corner with slot machines, where a familiar logo caught his eye, and his smile grew immediately.

"Nice. They've got a Pac-Man multiplayer. Haven't seen one of these in ages. There was one in the first orphanage Barney and me were in. Didn't work half of the time, but when it did, we were addicted to it. He always let me win."

Date: 2014-02-20 07:14 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] farmboyhawk
farmboyhawk: (Hansel laugh)
"Not necessarily."

Clint's smile remained, though a hint of bitterness and melancholy mixed in it.

"Technically, Barney is the better shooter of the two of us. He takes less compromises. He doesn't say no."

He tried to shrug the new tension in his shoulders off and made another step to leave the arcade behind, this new surge of memories that actually wasn't such a bad one and still always seemed to turn into one.

Did it really have to be this way? Nothing in his past the he could think of without blame, anger, blood? If he didn't want that, he had to work to make it stop, that was what he just told Natasha. Move on from the bad memories, make up for his own shit and try to replace the rest with good ones. Maybe this place was as good to continue this mission as any.

Instead of passing the arcade by, he suddenly turned, still holding Natasha's hand, and pulled her through the glass doors inside, already searching for some change in his pockets.

"Ladies first..."

Taking a small, mocking bow, he pointed at the seat of the mentioned multiplayer.

"That way you get to choose your pac-man too. Don't take the female one if you don't want to wear a ribbon on your head."

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Natasha Romanoff | The Black Widow

September 2020

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