Dancing in the Dark (for farmboyhawk)

[study_in_scarlet]

They didn’t get a lot of time off together, at least not enough to make a trip away worthwhile, so for this one weekend they decided to stay in the city and play tourist for the day.

They had started with a walk through Central Park before grabbing an early lunch at one of the city’s many street vendors and then wandering through the American Museum of Natural history. Natasha found the Hall of Minerals fascinating while Clint had gotten a kick out of all the dinosaur bones. They both enjoyed laying under the big blue whale with all the normal people.

Afterwards they went to a nice restaurant for supper, blending into the crowd of normal couples as best they could and Natasha actually forgot if she was playing a role or being herself as they finished their wine and shared their desserts.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely as they left the restaurant, stepping back into the cool night air. Nearby a busker played guitar and sang with surprising melody and soul, barely seeming to notice as people threw change into his open case, so caught up was he in his music.


Comments

[study_in_scarlet]

It doesn’t last, it never lasts, and Natasha isn’t sure which she’s angrier about: that Clint is being treated this way by the people he’s been nothing but loyal to, or that they can’t have one weekend of peace without something trying to tear it apart.

No, it was definitely the former.

Natasha didn’t intervene at the checkout when Clint’s card was denied, just played the confused girlfriend and let him take care of the problem, but inside she was seething. Only once they were out in the hallway and Clint was seated and trying to deal with his own rage did she let her mask falter.

“Fuck waiting for tomorrow, I am calling Fury now,” she said, setting her suitcase beside Clint and reaching for her phone. This wasn’t right. Clint had given them years of his life, years he had spent dutifully doing everything they told him to do, save for one infraction that had turned out rather well, if she did say so herself, and because of something that had been beyond his control they thought they could treat him like a prisoner? She would not stand for it.

[farmboyhawk]

"Probably gonna call us in right away."

Only when he had murmured it out through his hands, still tiredly folded beneath his forehead, Clint could somehow think through what an escalation like this would mean. Not only for him- if it had been just him, maybe he would already have been on the way to the next airport to tell Fury personally all the ways to fuck himself. With kind regards to the Council.

But this was about Natasha too, about all the things she was ready to do for him, that she certainly didn't have to risk. Partners, always, through all this. She meant it, when she said it, and that new proof shining through her resolute way of handling the problem, was exactly the anchor he had been searching for. To hold on to violently shake off his hurt pride and the acid of anger seeping through his veins. To think clear for at least a few seconds.

Standard procedure, and partly his fault. For not asking for permission before the damn booking and then not answering the phone. That didn't make it right, not at all, but his anger he had to direct on this whole fuckery that the authorities had gotten him into after New York, not this new crisis.

They would probably be able to solve this, tomorrow, with cool heads. He had enough faith in Natasha's negotiation skills to believe that. The rest was just formalities then.

But if they did this now, on too much emotion, chances were pretty good, they'd get themselves into even more trouble. Meaning, tomorrow would be pretty much canceled. He couldn't have that. He needed to get the fuck out of here to sort his life over, now more than ever.

"Wait a second."

His hand still felt too cold, too heavy, but he managed to reach out for her, softly cup her thigh before he reached for her bag.

"You can have it back right away."

There was just one program on his phone he needed to check, ignoring the new incoming messages as well as another incoming call, and at least that check ended positively.

"Didn't find my new private account. New one after everything I had saved before New York was gone. Not too much on it, but enough to finish up here."

He put the phone back from where he had taken it and nodded shortly at the shops around, the people, whose cheerful chattering and business over mostly so trivial things suddenly seemed further away than ever to him.

"Maybe it's enough if you write him that we'll both be in tomorrow. I don't... I shouldn't do that now. That wouldn't end well."

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha was about to say that it didn’t matter, that they could work it out tonight, then, instead of waiting for tomorrow, but she hesitated. Ultimately this was Clint’s decision, and as long as he didn’t make any completely stupid decisions then she would follow his lead. Swallowing down her anger and that protective feeling she got only in regards to Clint, she let him stop her. Reluctantly she even let him have his phone back, but she watched his face closely, reading his expression for any further deterioration. He obediently ignored his messages, though she had no idea what he was looking into until he finished and elaborated.

Of course he had provisions set aside, just like she did. She had stashes of money throughout the world, under many different names, that nobody but her knew about and she intended to keep it that way. She would dip into them gladly while they were away, it was what they were for, and nobody would be able to trace them. They knew what airport they were flying to because of the plane tickets but they could rent a car, or hop a flight on a smaller airline once they got there, make their tracks untraceable, impossible to find.

That all depended on how their talk went with Fury.

“Okay,” she slowly agreed. Stepping forward she ran one hand back through his hair before sending a text off to request a meeting between the three of them at nine or at his earliest convenience. No use starting off with demands. “Why don’t we go back to your place? I think we have all the essentials. Anything else we can just pick up when we get there.”

[farmboyhawk]

Clint pressed into the touch of her hand thankfully and turned his head to smile at her. Weakly, but it still worked.

"Yeah, I guess. It's not like we'll be in the middle of the dune. Being alone a little... would be good now."

He left a short kiss on her palm to let her know, this kind of alone didn't mean, he wanted her gone too, not at all.

"Sorry that this is all so difficult. I just need to find a kind of balance back in my life."

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha smiled softly in return. She wasn’t planning on leaving him alone even if he wanted to be, but it was good to know that he didn’t, that he still wanted her around, that he didn’t want to be completely alone. That had to count for something.

“I know,” she said, brushing her thumb over his cheek before reaching down to take his hand, giving it a little tug to get him back to his feet. “And you know I will be with you, every step of the way.”

She couldn’t do this for him, couldn’t reach into his head and remove all the bad things, but she could help him deal with it, help him in whatever way she could. She had some experience on the subject, and if anyone could help him it was her, for several reasons. “Come on, let’s skip the hassle and get a cab. We can even order in later so we don’t have to do any dishes before we leave.” Except for what was left from breakfast, but close enough.

[farmboyhawk]

"What, you mean I don't get to try and cook for you?"

It was pathetic but better than no laugh at all. A cab sounded perfectly right now, so he wasted no further time, leading Natasha outside to the nearest car they could catch.

He knew it was paranoid but he was kind of glad when they were on their own again. He didn't put it past Fury to send someone after him, make sure he wasn't already half way out of the country.

The driver was a quiet one again, thank God, and he even turned the music up some when they both took the back seat, sensing they needed some privacy.

It happened to be a Sting-song, one Clint remembered from a concert many years ago. One of the few big names he had been involved with. He normally didn't get the celeb stuff. He was too grumpy for them. But that evening... had been nice, especially since Natasha and him had been in time to stop the threatened attack on that hall. With their target safe and the bad guys sent off to prison soon enough, they actually had enjoyed the last few songs of the event peacefully.

So fucking long ago.

"I need to start remembering the good days I've had", he murmured, half way lost his memories, fingertips trailing soft lines over Natasha's leg. "Right now it all feels... useless. I know it isn't, I know it's just a phase... I just... Sometimes I feel I'm running out of time. I won't be able to work in the field forever."

[study_in_scarlet]

“Well, if you insist, but I think you tried and succeeded this morning,” she said. “Though if you do have food in the fridge we should use it up before tomorrow.”

Settling her luggage on the seat on one side of the cab, Natasha sat close to Clint when he climbed in next to her. Just having her close seemed to have a sort of calming effect, and seeing as she enjoyed being near him she saw no downside.

The beginning of the cab ride was made in silence, just the music filling the vehicle’s interior. Natasha recognized the song as well, and the same memories came back to her that Clint was reminiscing over at the moment, so when he finally spoke she knew exactly what he was talking about. That wasn’t to say that his last statement didn’t catch her off guard, though.

It wasn’t something they talked about, life after S.H.I.E.L.D. Natasha never really thought about it, maybe because she didn’t think she would ever see it, or maybe because she rarely thought of her future, instead choosing to focus on the present. What would happen when the field was no longer an option? A desk job? Retirement?

“None of us will,” she said, not sure what else to say. So she focused on the first statement. “We have had a lot of good days.” Leaning against his shoulder she smiled.

[farmboyhawk]

"Like yesterday", Clint nodded, returning the smile. He pressed his cheek softly against Natasha's forehead and just enjoyed the music and the much lighter thoughts going with it for a while.

The ride home wasn't a long one, fortunately, and soon they were on their way back up the stairs. He couldn't help but grin when they passed the entrance where they had had a very... interesting encounter last night, fingertips shortly grazing the smooth wooden surface.

Only on the way up the restlessness from the mall came back, hesitation for a moment before he opened the door, and the cold stinging of awareness down his spine, anticipation for trouble... But apparently Fury had accepted Natasha's assurance for now and hadn't sent sent a cavalry to bring them in personally.

"Probably stationed someone on one of the roofs nearby", he murmured, not without amusement, dropping his bags after locking the door behind them. "Maybe we should give the poor guy a show later."

[study_in_scarlet]

That hadn’t been what she had meant, she had been referring to days on the job, but she certainly couldn’t argue. Yesterday had been amazing for so many reasons; she only wished they had been able to continue it into today with no setbacks, but of course that hadn’t worked out. It wasn’t too late to salvage the rest of the weekend, though.

When they reached Clint’s place Natasha couldn’t help but remember the last time they had crossed the threshold to step inside and she glanced at him, the grin on his face evidence that he was remembering the same thing. The trip upstairs wasn’t so rushed and desperate this time, and Clint even hesitated at the door before letting them in, but everything was exactly how they had left it, nothing was amiss.

“Would make for an interesting meeting if he was told to report back everything he saw,” Natasha replied, one corner of her lips quirked upward. Removing her coat, she quickly checked her phone and found a reply from Fury. “He has agreed to the meeting, but not until ten. He had to exercise some control, of course.”

In all honesty Natasha greatly respected Nick Fury, and very much liked the man and she knew the feeling was mutual. He wasn’t just some faceless commander, he actually cared about his agents and went to bat for them, and she knew he would see the logic to this plan and agree to it. He would stand up for Clint, would agree to it because he would see it was what was best. She was as certain as she could be that he would let them go.

Turning to face Clint she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms lightly around his neck before kissing him, slowly and deeply; just because she could, because it had been long enough since she’d kissed him proper, because she wanted him to feel her complete confidence that everything would work out.

[farmboyhawk]

The sudden change of subject was a very welcome one, after Clint had just been in the mood for another not so friendly comment in Fury's direction. He somehow forgot of that pretty quickly with Natasha back in his arms, doing her best to let him forget the difficulties of the afternoon.

She still tasted of sugar and chocolate and he chuckled against her lips, slipping his tongue playfully between hers to catch more of that enticing note. It reminded him of the careless little bantering in the coffee shop, the minutes of relaxing and normalcy in between the usual loads concerning their work.

He decided, it was much better to hold on to that for the evening, forget the rest until they'd have to face it again in the morning. Natasha deserved better than having to deal with his brooding all evening.

Carefully, to not make a mess of her hair again, he wrapped his hand around her neck to hold her close, rest his forehead against hers with closed eyes to try and let the new weight slip off his shoulders. She was there for him, even when he didn't even know he much he needed her in certain moments. That was all he could ask for right now. His thumb softly caressed over the softness of her lips, her cheek, slightly reddened from the cold, while he searched for words, found none and let it be. Enough talk for the moment.

He managed it to maneuver them to the sofa without letting go off her and pull her down with him, to just enjoy this for a while... Just holding her. Returning with her to a place that could be a home for both of them, whenever she liked it, with all the bullshit staying outside.

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha was very skilled in manipulation and seduction, but she never used those skills against Clint. This was different, this wasn’t to get information or anything malicious; this was to get his mind off of everything, to remind him of everything he had, and she knew he knew exactly what she was doing. He could have easily brushed her off but he accepted the comfort and distraction she offered gladly, and even seemed to appreciate her efforts.

She leaned into his touch, opening her eyes to look at him so close. His eyes were closed but he didn’t need them to see her, to trace the planes of her face with the rough pad of his thumb. She knew that, like her, he had it memorized.

She had removed her jacket but she still wore her boots and his scarf when he walked them over to the sofa. Laying down with him she curled up much as she had at one point last evening, her face buried against his chest and the rest of her body pressed close against him. She said nothing, just listened to the sound of his breathing, his heartbeat. She liked this space, this old house that Clint had saved and was remodeling. It didn’t matter where they were, though, because it was in his arms that she was home.

[farmboyhawk]

For a long while there was silence, just the occasional quiet sound of the house in the background, wood creaking, pipes gargling, while the warmth settled in both of them, burned away the troubles for the moment.

From time to time Clint's lips wandered over Natasha's forehead, and his hand had somehow magically slipped under her pants when he looked next time. It laid there unmoving, fingertips playing with the thin hem of her panties without any further motive.

It was only the soft touch of her skin that he craved, the flood of sweet associations washing over his mind whenever he could feel her close like that, forcing out the coldness.

When it threatened to get just a little too hot, he softly plucked on the ends of her scarf, pulling it away, grinning when his eyes fell on certain marks underneath. He couldn't resist placing another kiss there, the ends of the fabric still loosely wrapped around his hands and her shoulders, holding her close to him.

"We really need to think of a trick to cover these things for summer. Or you have to knock me out everytime I get too enthusiastic."

[study_in_scarlet]

Natasha kept one arm loosely around Clint’s waist and only smiled softly at the occasional kisses and touches. She was comfortable like this, comfortable with him, and the fact that they would wile away their time together silently, unmoving, just enjoying the presence and comfort that each other provided spoke volumes. She had never had this before, had never wanted it, but now she didn’t want to live without it.

When Clint slowly removed the scarf and commented on his handiwork, Natasha tilted her head back so she could look at him, her eyebrows raised and a faint smirk on her lips.

“I could use make-up if I really wanted to hide them,” she said. She knew quite well how to hide any unfavourable marks from prying eyes, all part of her old training. “Or you could just start leaving them places nobody else will see...”

The boots were getting rather uncomfortable, but she didn’t want to move to take them off. Fortunately she was more than sufficiently flexible. Bringing one leg up and stretching it straight past Clint’s shoulder, she was able to reach behind his head to undo the zipper and remove the boot, tossing it unceremoniously over the back of the sofa.


[farmboyhawk]

"You know, I could just have helped you with that."

Clint laughed quietly and already reached down to help her out of her second boot. But he sure as hell wasn't complaining, not when he had her leg so comfortably in reach for a few teasing little bites.

"Well, I better start mapping out some other spots then, right? So I can decide on my favorite until it gets too warm for scarfs."

He pulled her a little closer to him and lowered his head for a kiss, gently drawing her lower lip between his teeth as if already starting to search out these places he spoke of.

[study_in_scarlet]

“I know,” Natasha replied, but said no more. It had been more fun showing off, and it had made him laugh, so all in all a good choice, not that she argued when Clint moved to help her with the other boot. Sliding her leg back down, she let it rest over Clint’s hip and returned her arm to around his waist.

“Hmm, well you do have a few months,” she said. “But I know how you love to be thorough...”

Smiling against Clint’s lips when he kissed her in an exploratory, experimental way, Natasha tightened her leg around him slightly. “I think that one might be a little obvious,” she whispered.


[farmboyhawk]

"Patience. Just getting warmed up."

Clint gave her lip another playful bite and rested his head on his am then again, hand still playing with the scarf idly resting between them. For the moment he just smiled at her, pulling her leg closer around his body, hips pressing into each other.

"And just for the records, I love watching you stretch. It's fucking hot, just in case I never told you. And reminds me, I have to do more workout."

He grimaced a little. Artistic stuff wasn't something he had needed much in the last years mostly spent as a sniper. Which was no excuse for getting lazy.

[study_in_scarlet]

“I’ve got all day,” Natasha replied, though they both knew that Clint was by far the patient one of the two of them. He had to be with his job, often having to sit for hours watching a particular place or person before he could take the shot. His patience was certainly something to be admired.

Tucking her other arm beneath her head, Natasha mimicked him, letting her head rest on it and smiling at him.

“I will keep that in mind,” she replied, grinning a bit more wickedly at his confession. “I can actually get my leg behind my head, you know.” Not that she was bragging, except she definitely was, though it was just to see his reaction. “And don’t forget, I plan to make sure you get plenty of exercise.”

[farmboyhawk]

"Well, in that case don't let me forget to buy some cotton rope once we arrive."

Clint slowly raised an eyebrow and stretched a little on the sofa himself now, putting his leg up behind him on the back rest, just for showing off matters.

"I've heard, shibari does a lot for patience and durability..."

[study_in_scarlet]

A suggestion of restraining her from anyone else would have been an instant trigger for Natasha, but as with most things Clint was the exception. He would never do anything to hurt her or even make her uncomfortable, and she knew she would be safe in his capable hands, so the idea of giving up control to him was exciting instead of frightening. She only hoped that after last night he could relax enough to enjoy himself instead of worrying about her and treating her like fragile glass the entire time they were experimenting.

“Are you insinuating that I need to work on my patience?” Natasha feigned insult. Sliding her hand down between them she teased the inside of his thigh with her fingertips. Hey, if he was going to put himself on display like that he really had t expect her to take advantage.

[farmboyhawk]

Clint's eyebrow went up a little higher in surprise. Definitely in positive surprise.

"Well, seeing how you wanted to make sure for me to get exercise, I more thought, the other way round, but I'll be very happy to try both, you know..."

He hissed quietly at the not completely unexpected touch and put his hand back where it had been, resting unmoving on her butt under her pents, fingertips softly caressing the soft flesh but never going for more for now.

"I would never dare question your patience skills... But you know... There's always room for improvement..."

[study_in_scarlet]

The surprised expression on Clint’s face made Natasha chuckle. Of course he had been expecting to be the one to be tied up, but Natasha wanted to share in the experience, wanted to feel it from both sides. Clint might not have been expecting the offer but he accepted it readily.

“Maybe I’ll let you teach me a few things, see how patient I can really be,” she said, her fingers stilling on his leg. “And maybe I will even find a limit to your seemingly endless patience.”

Her hand moved again, sliding up to draw patterns along his hip bone.

[farmboyhawk]

"Well, I could give you a few hints, but that would definitely be cheating. And an insult to your espionage skills."

Clint's quiet laugh turned into a sigh at her touch, just the right amount between teasing and tenderness. His hand dipped lower under her pants, cupping and massaging her butt cheeks gently while his eyes closed in utter relaxation.

It was truly wonderful, having so much time at hand like it was so seldom possible for them. No need to hurry anything, fearing that the next emergency call would be coming up any minute. He intended to make the best of this time. If it wouldn't be for the call of certain body functions, he'd be happy with not leaving this couch for the next hours at all.

"You were right, definitely takeout later", he murmured lazily.

[study_in_scarlet]

“Don’t worry, I will get it out of you somehow,” Natasha replied, her teasing smile softening again as Clint settled against her. Closing her eyes as his hand moved lower, gently massaging her soft flesh, she ducked her head to settle against his chest again. Moving her hand higher, she slipped it under the hem of his shirt so she too could feel his skin and resumed the random circling of her fingers against his side.

This was definitely better than fighting their way through the Sunday shoppers. There would be plenty of time to buy anything else they wanted for their trip once they were there.

“I knew you would see it my way,” she chuckled.

[farmboyhawk]

Except for the smallest twitch of his right eyelid, Clint didn't show a single sign when Natasha's fingertips found an especially ticklish place. Self control and all. And maybe he liked it a little, too.

"This couch turned into my favorite furniture piece since yesterday", he murmured after a while, sleepiness sounding through his voice. "Lots of great memories."

Two of his fingertips found the way between her legs, teasing the insides of her thigh where the seams of her pants left her skin sensitive.

"I know, a brain doesn't work like this... I know, the other memories will always come back. But I like to think, they have less room if I try to make up a bunch of really good new ones. Instead of fretting about the past all the time."

[study_in_scarlet]

Had she been watching him Natasha would have likely noticed the twitch, no matter how small. As it was, though, his ticklish spot remained a secret and her hand moved from his side to his back, fingertips tracing the bumps of his vertebrae.

She smiled at both his words and the sleepy tone of voice, turning her head slightly to place a kiss against his chest through his shirt. A quiet “mmm” was his only answer for now as his roaming fingers dipped lower. Definitely some great memories.

“It’s a good theory,” she said, practically snuggling against him. Yes, apparently, the Black Widow could snuggle, but it was knowledge that could probably get someone killed. “I would definitely be game for trying it out. If nothing else we can overload you with so many good ones that the bad ones are so outnumbered they don’t seem as bad.”

She knew time was the real healer, but being happy in the present definitely helped and made people less likely to dwell in the past. She definitely had experience in that matter, and she had honestly never been happier in her life than she was with Clint.